note: i don't care that dans birthday would happen in the summer holidays. i live in australia and july is still school. <3
dan's pov
i smashed my fist into the mirror. where the fuck was phil? i barely noticed the cuts on my arm as blood gently flowed from the wounds. if he was supposed to protect me than where was he? he's been gone for a week now. i washed the blood off under the tap in the bathroom and hid the broken mirror under my bed. the cuts were fresh and red, i pulled a sweater over my tshirt and pushed my fringe away from my eyes, hand coming in contact with my cheek, i pulled my hand away stained with red. fuck.
"happy 18th birthday, dan." i muttered to myself. i put a band-aid over the cut, making it more obvious, but it doesn't look like i did it. i fell over, and grazed my cheek on a rock. yup that's my excuse.
i slung my bag over my shoulder, the leather strap dug into my back, heavy from the text books that were heaped into the small bag. i walked out the door without saying goodbye to my parents. they wouldn't care anyway. they probably don't even remember it's my birthday. a painful stab of recollection shot through my brain, i saw the lifeless body of my brother flash in front of me. i hated this house. i hated my parents. i hated myself. why couldn't i look after adrian? such an idiot.
i walked to school today. no use taking the bus. i don't think i could face all the crazy people in that bus. i fell into step with another guy from my school. his names tyler. "happy birthday dan!" he smiled at me. i put on a fake smile.
"thanks ty."
"i got you this," he said handing me a little box. i slowed my pace as i pulled off the ribbon. in the tiny box was a little necklace with a gold chain and a small black rose. it was beautiful. i smiled for real this time.
"thanks ty." i hugged him.
"no problem danny." he said. i lightly slapped his arm, scowling. we continued the walk in silence. i put on my little necklace tyler gave me. it's probably the most beautiful thing i have in my life. we walked into the school and waved each other goodbye as we walked to our lockers. another message was etched into my locker with a compass. (ya know the one you use to draw circles with? that.) 'GAY FUCKING FAIRY' welp. i'm sorry for the person who has to use this locker next. their insults mean nothing to me. heck, they could be gay, but, they are in doubting it. that's how i went. and i'm not gay. only half-gay. i'm a bisexual tall bean. (being 6" and all) i walk to my class. keeping my head down.
its maths. ugh. i groan internally as i lift my books out of my bag and put my earphones in my ears.
(Play song (optional))
'Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe'
i sigh. this is our song. phil and i's. I couldn't bring myself to press skip.
'I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade'
mine already was.
'The secrets you tell me, i'll take to my grave'
a promise phil and i made shook through my head.
'There's bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway'
there's scars on my body, but you love me anyway.
'And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed'
'I know that you love me, love me'
i love you, love you
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Kiss my lips, feel the rhythm of your heart and hips'
'I will pray so the castle that we've built won't cave'
'The secrets you tell me I'll take to my grave'
'There's bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway'
'And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed'
'I know that you love me, love me'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'You fill me up, you fill me up
You set my soul ablaze
You fill me up, you fill me up
Your love is so amazing
You fill me up, you fill me up
You set my soul ablaze
You fill me up even when I lose my head'
i was reminded of how much he helped me, he loved me. i love him. he completed me. now he's gone. not been back for weeks.
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'Guillotine, guillotine'
'Even when I lose my head'
'You fill me up, you fill me up
You set my soul ablaze
You fill me up, you fill me up
Your love is so amazing
You fill me up, you fill me up
You set my soul ablaze
You fill me up even when I lose my head'
as the last cord strummed i changed the song.
i miss him so much. why'd you have to leave? what did lucifer want from you? what the fuck did you do?
as the proffeser walked in i turned off my phone as p!atd's emperor's new cloths came on. the teacher droned on about some shit about square roots. fuck this school. in year 12 you have to do a science but some don't count? bullshit.
i pulled my sweater over my hands to create sweater paws. i leant on my hands pretending to pay attention. the bell rang. he'd said he'd email us the homework. i caught up with tyler on our way to art. does he have a phil?
