Senior Standoff | RETIRED VERSION

Valentine's Day - Bonus Chapter

A chill slid through my skin, and all I could think about was how cold Aspen must have been. Admittedly, not warning her about the fact that we'd be outside was probably not my finest move. The blankets were nice, but her skin was still icy. I pulled her in closer to me to try to keep her warm. My windshield was still freezing against my back.

I looked over at her, watching her while she watched the sky. She'd really gone all out on tonight. Even when I'd told her to look pretty, I hadn't expected to be left breathless when she answered the door. As her eyes danced between the stars, I sucked in a deep breath. God, I was so in love with her.

And, equally terrified. I knew better than this, and yet here I was, head over heels like some... some... fuck. That was it. If I didn't have the perfect thing to say, I kept my mouth shut. Right now, my lips were tight.

Pretending like none of my inner turmoil was happening, I caught her attention and moved towards her. "I'm going to kiss you. I can't stop myself. Watch out."

"Why do I need a warning? I love kissing you," she said.

My eyes were on her lips, curled into a smile. Painted a shade of deep red that looked so damn sexy on her, I couldn't think of anything else. A breeze kicked up slightly, so I pulled the blanket up to protect her from it. She was such a sweetheart. I hated to think that anything could happen to her on my watch.

Gently, I kissed her forehead. It gave her the same adorable little grin that I'd come love. I couldn't hold off any longer. I needed to kiss her. My lips collided with hers, and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted more. Anything I could get. The kisses were hard, but she was giving them back with the same amount of force. Fuck, I just wanted to hear her moan. Make her scream. Know that I was giving her every bit of pleasure that I possibly could. Give her everything that I could.

My lips trailed along her jawline and down her pronounced collar bone. Her skin was soft. Her body arched just a bit under my touch. I wanted to take my kisses lower, but it was too cold for me to justify taking off her dress.

I came back up for air. Aspen was laying her head against the windshield, a hazy look in her eye as she stared at me. There was a lazy bliss to her. Her eyes met with mine and she quietly said, "This is perfect."

My whole body reacted without much of my conscious attention. I grabbed a piece of her hair, looking at it, wanting to take in all the tiny details. To know everything there was to know about her.

"I'm glad you like it," I said.

"I love it." She paused. "I love you."

My lungs froze. I jumped away from her, stunned, terrified again. Maybe I'd known that was how she felt, but I'd been denying it every time I saw it. I wasn't ready. Time and time again, I'd watched relationships fail, from my parents' to my own, and there wasn't a chance in hell I was following that same path again.

"No, you don't. Don't say that," I sputtered, words pouring out of my mouth before I could think of the perfect ones. I just needed to turn back the clock a little. Put her words back where they'd come from. Keep things the way they had been.

"But... you're my best friend, Asher. I think I mean it."

Fuck.

"Then say I'm your best friend, not that you love me. You're not my girlfriend, and you never will be. That's not what this is."

As her face dropped, all the breath left my body. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"I... oh." She blinked a few times, her eyes growing misty. The guilt shot straight through my gut. Fuck.

"Is this too much for you? I thought we were on the same page. We're just having some fun," I said.

"Right, no, I know. Sorry. I'm just a little drunk and shouldn't have said that," she said. She wiped the back of her hand along her face. I swallowed, trying to reclaim my head, but it was too late. I'd already dragged her along this far, and I couldn't keep pulling her. Not when she'd become this invested. I couldn't keep her here when I couldn't give her everything she wanted.

"Maybe we should stop," I forced out.

"What? No, I'm fine, really."

"I don't want to lead you on. I think you're really invested in this idea of a relationship, and I don't want us to get in too deep if that's the case." The words tasted like poison coming out of my mouth. "Let's just go back to being friends. It'll be easier that way."

Heavy silence clung in the air. I sucked in a hard breath, forcing everything back down. There were ways to take my mind off of this until it got easier. I'd done it a million times before.

"Maybe we should just go, since, you know, friends don't go on romantic dates like this," she said.

"You're right."

Everything came like second nature as I packed up my car and put my mind anywhere else. On who I could sleep with, the things I'd drink, whatever I needed to keep the smile on my face. I kept my eyes away from her, glued on the road instead. If I said anything, I might break a little bit. I just... needed to know I could do this.

She walked through her front door, and I sat for just a moment. No music in the car. Just a silent drive back to my house, doing everything to keep my cool. But as I was parked along the curb, her face flashed through my mind, and I knew what she was feeling right now. I'd pushed her away.

I threw my forehead into my steering wheel, squeezing my eyes shut. "FUCK." A tear or two slipped out, and I sniffled. Pulled it all back in. Sat up, looked out the windshield, and I couldn't do it. I slapped my hand on my steering wheel, screaming, "FUCK," every time. This couldn't be fucking happening.

I grabbed my phone and texted an old friend. I just needed something meaningless. Something to put my mind back where it belonged. Something to take away this sting.

This was going to be the fucking death of me if I didn't shape the fuck up real soon.