It's a Secret

Memory Loss

I tossed and turned all night, my thoughts constantly swimming through my head. I awoke with a pain in my lower back from the uncomfortable position on the tiny love seat. I glanced over to the couch to find Roger still sleeping in the exact position he was in last night. I didn't expect him to be awake yet, not with the amount he drank last night. I pulled the blanket off myself and stood up, slightly lightheaded for a second. As a crept down the hallway on the way to the bathroom, something caught my attention from the corner of my eye. I walked past the bathroom to the open door at the end of the hallway. It was the door to Roger's room. The door wasn't open all the way, but I could see papers sliding across the floor. I pushed on the door and it creaked open. Papers were all on the floor, all had been written on. I looked over at the window and found it open, probably the reason why the papers were moving. I walked over to it and closed it so the wind wouldn't pick up anymore papers. I turned back around and my eyes scanned the room. The bed looked like it hadn't been slept in in a while. In fact, it looked like the only thing being used in here was a desk in the corner and his closet. Now that I thought about, every time I drove him home he always slept on the couch. I looked back down at the floor at the papers. There were about ten or eleven pages laying about, all with something that looked like song lyrics. I bent down and picked them up, placing them on the desk. I didn't want to be too nosy, but they all had the same theme to them: love.

This is strange coming from Roger. He doesn't normally write this kind of stuff. I guess he does but just never shows anybody. A lot of them were really good, too good be live it's days on a desk without being seen. I picked out the two I thought were best and folded them, putting them in my pocket. I walked back out of his room and continued to the bathroom.

I was washing my hands when I heard noises from the living room. I could hear Roger's scratchy voice as I stepped out into the hallway.

I saw him looking down out my shoes and coat with wide eyes. "John's here!?" He quickly lifted his head and looked around. He couldn't see me, but I could see him.

I suddenly remembered what happened last night and I felt a knot in my stomach. A thought popped in my head as I remembered the papers in my pocket. "What if they were about me?!"

I stumbled backwards a little and Roger spotted me.

He just stared at me so I spoke up, "I see someone finally decided to get up." I laughed dryly as I walked into the living room.

"Yeah... um... what are you doing here?" He scratched his head and chuckled.

"Oh, well I drove you home last night and... it was late so I just slept here. I didn't think you'd mind." I was now standing in front of him and he furrowed his brow, like he didn't understand. "Don't you remember?"

He put his hand on his forehead and rubbed it. "I...I can't remember anything... all I know is that I have a horrible headache." He sat back down on the couch and massaged his temples.

"Well, d'you want me to get you some medicine... for your headache?" I spoke softly to him.

"Yes please, that would be wonderful... it's um... in the bathroom." He waved his hand in the direction of the bathroom and closed his eyes.

I walked back to the bathroom and stood in front of the sink. I let out a sigh of relief, he didn't remember.... but was that a good thing? I looked at myself in the mirror and stared at my reflection before opening up the medicine cabinet and pouring two pills into my hand. I grabbed the cup that was beside the sink and filled it halfway with cold water. I walked back into the living room and saw Roger sitting there with his eyes still closed. I don't know why, but I just stared at his face. He looked so calm and so... handsome. I'd never really examined his features. He was beautiful. I suddenly felt the knot return in my stomach as he opened his eyes.

"Thanks man." he spoke in a hoarse voice before reaching out and accepting the medicine and the glass of water.

"You're welcome." I sat beside him, but not too close.

I watched him pop the pills into his mouth and bring the glass up to his lips. The lip of the cup rested upon his pale lips as he swallowed the pill down with the water. I watched the way his throat moved as he swallowed, and a tiny bit of water escaped from the corner of his mouth and ran down his jaw. I had never thought of another man in that way! Especailly not my best friend! I snappped back to reality as he set the cup down on the table and propped his feet up beside the cup. He folded his arms and turned his face to look at me.

"Sometimes I don't know what i'd do without you." He softly chuckled.

I smiled at him and patted his shoulder. "You and me both."

I heard his breath hitch as my hand made contact with his shoulder and I put my hand in my other hand. The corner of his mouth turned up into a smile and he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

It was silent for a while until I spoke up. "So you don't remember a thing from last night?"

He shook his head before answering me. "Nah man... the last thing I remember is a whole bunch of girls were around me and I had a drink in my hand, then I remember laying down but I was moving..."

"Yeah, that was in the car. You weren't being very cooperative last night. You laid down in the seat because you put your keys in your back pocket and didn't want to sit on them." We both chuckled at this.

One thing was swimming around in my head. The kiss.

I needed to know if he really knew what he was doing and if he actually meant it. I pulled the papers out of my pocket and he stared at me. Just as soon as I unfolded them, he sat straight up and widen his eyes.

"H-how did you get those?" He spoke nervously.

"Your window was open and the wind skidded them across the floor. I went to pick them up and saw what was on them.... Rog, did you write these?" I looked at him but he avoided eye-contact.

He cleared his throat before speaking. "Uh, yeah... but they're nothing." He tried to grab them but I pulled them away from his reach.

"Roger, they are really good... why haven't you shown these to anyone?" He looked into my eyes and I noticed his cheeks were a rosy color. He just shrugged his shoulder and reached for them again, this time I handed them to him. He looked at the papers and smiled softly.

"Who are they about?" I cautiously spoke.

He folded the papers back up and coughed. "Uh, just someone... that I know." He began to squirm in his seat and turned his head away slightly.

I smiled and leaned over to look at his face. "This someone must be pretty special. You've written songs about them and you're blushing just talking about them."

He laughed dryly and pushed on my chest slightly to get me away from his face. "You have no idea."

He stood up and shuffled his feet a little. I stood up and looked down at my watch. "Man. It's already almost noon. Listen, I should be going... uh, see ya tonight."

He looked at me with a confused look. "What's tonight?"

"Tonight we are going to Freddie's for dinner and games... we planned it in the studio." I gave him a smile and began walking towards the door.

"Right. Okay... it's at 6... right?" he had a smile in his voice.

"Yeah, you're supposed to pick me up at 5:30 though... you remember that right?"

He widened his eyes and nodded his head. "Yeah, of course I remember! Okay, I'll see you at 5:30 then." We smiled and I walked out the door waving.

I began to laugh just as soon as I was in my car. We had never agreed on him picking me up, I just want to spend more time around him to find out the question that has been swimming around since last night.