kings of babylon [completed]

sold

1. SET THE DEAL UP PROPERLY. There's a right and wrong way to make contact with the Devil.

Eve dropped the hand holding his phone to his side and began to pace around the chalk pentagram in his garage. He'd gotten it nearly perfect his first try. How lucky of him.

The right way is to be alone in your room, close your eyes and say, "Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right."

This website seemed to be the most legitimate. It didn't demand candles or a pentagram or the knife in Eve's hand, but it was simple and went straight to the point, though the person who'd published it had done so to warrant people against summoning The Evil One.

It may take dozens, even hundreds of tries but at all costs, avoid sounding desperate or needy. He'll show up eventually.

The candles, set up at each point on the star, the pentagram, drawn in old chalk leftover from when the whole family was over for Easter, and the knife, destined for Eve's ankle, because he couldn't bear to hurt children or animals, and the blood of a virgin sufficed, were all only things he'd seen in movies, tv shows, the like.

2. DEAL FROM A POSITION OF POWER. By far the biggest mistake people make is to underestimate how badly Satan wants their soul.

It certainly wouldn't hurt to try, right? Eve wasn't a Satanist, or anything like that, but the little ritual was certainly interesting, and boredom relieving. It was no different from praying to crows for a healthy life, or spinning in circles and tying knots to remember things. Witchcraft was almost like a science, just with less noticeable results.

It's like precious gold to him and he'll pay anything to get it. When he appears, get him to make the first offer, then up it.

Eve believed in God. He used to go to church on Sundays and certain holidays, mostly in a vain attempt to make friends, but he went, and he had faith. Eve had met many a patient who lost it when they were diagnosed, but not Eve. There were amazing things in the world that man, in all it's cruelty, simply couldn't do. Things that were too good to come the species.

3. GET THE ABSOLUTE BEST. Remember, you're going to burn in Hell forever. So no matter how badly off you are now, demand the best.

Eve decided to just get on with it. Yes, he believed in God, and, by default, Satan, but he figured that they both had much better things to do than to hang out with a bored, debilitating seventeen year old.

For instance, even if you feel unlovable and desperate with loneliness, don't just say, "I want the most gorgeous woman on earth and I want her to be madly in love with me."

"Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right." The candles flickered as Eve sat down.

Instead, add, "In fact, throw in 100 other women as well so I can pick and choose according to my mood."

He rolled up the leg of his thick sweatpants, exposing his ankle, still faintly tanned from the summer. He moved his hand fast as he could, knowing he couldn't go through with it if the process was slow, and sliced open the skin there. The pain was sharp, and pulsed enough to make him curse under his breath, but the cut wasn't big or deep enough to feel worse than that.

4. REMEMBER TO DEMAND THE LIFE-EXTENSION CLAUSE.

Eve scooted forward and stretched his leg to the middle of the pentagram, careful not to smudge it, and watched as the blood slowly dripped there. He'd never been a heavy bleeder.

Satan won't tell you if you don't ask but you can get a guarantee of 300 years of youthful life before you go to eternal damnation.

"Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right." The candles flickered again.