Short Stories

If Only -

As I sat at his grave, the thoughts that were filling my mind were "why did I ask him to drive me? If only we had left twenty minutes later. Why him and not me? This is all my fault!"

I went back to that moment, when the car swerved on the ice and smashed head first into another car. I remember waking up being covered in glass, with bloodied arms and blood running down the side of my face. I remember looking to the side to look at my older brother, but only to find him not there. I remember looking through the empty windshield, the glass no longer there as I was buried under it, only to see my lifeless brother on the hood of the car, staring back at me. He was dead.

I opened my mouth and screamed, yet no sound came out. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his, as if somehow, I could bring him back by staring into his soul. The trip to the hospital was a blur; "you killed him! You're a killer!" was what was being chanted in my head, over and over again.

I was pulled back into reality as I heard a car alarm go off in the distance. I looked at my brother's gravestone and read the words engraved onto it: "Beloved son and brother. You will be missed dearly." I scoffed at the words; there was no feeling or emotion behind that phrase. They were simply words carved into a headstone. Nothing else.

I lifted my hand and rested it on his name, smiling when my nickname for him came to mind. He was always rock-climbing and he would always come home with chalk on his hands and clothes.

"I'm so sorry Chalky. It is all my fault that you're dead. Why did I ask you if you could drive me, when I could've taken the bus like any other person. If I had, you would still be alive. I miss you Chalky." I pulled my hand away and stared up into the sky, hearing thunder in the distance. "Until we meet again."

With this, I turned around and headed for the gate of the graveyard. I allowed a single tear to roll down my cheek, but I wouldn't let any others fall. That's what he taught me, to be strong. "Never cry for another man, Sis. Not even me. You're stronger than that." His words were distant in my mind, as if he was telling me to stay strong form his grave. I vowed to stay strong, for him. It was the least I could do.

But that doesn't stop me from thinking everyday, "if only..."