Widowhood

Chapter Two; Gone

Dean's chest tightened. He felt his heart pounding, he would swear that he could hear it too with the silence that fell upon the room.

"We are truly sorry for your loss, Mr. Winchester..." Lieutenant Turner spoke. Turner shuffled some papers around on his desk before continuing. "We are more then happy to accommodate your needs and would like to assure you that the Navy will be taking care of all funeral costs and arrangements."

He took a sheet of lined paper, writing his number and email before slowly sliding it across the desk to Dean.

"If you have any thoughts or requests in relation to the funeral please do not hesitate to contact us on the manner. Officer Novak's pension will begin being released to you next month. The amount will be approximately five thousand dollars deposited into your shared account on the first." Lieutenant Turner stood up making a gesture for Dean to as well.

Dean nodded slowly, taking a moment before standing up glancing to Turner and then walking out the door. Turner walked him to the exit of the base behind him. Dean stopped before stepping out of the building as he heard the other man speak, "I'm sorry for your loss, son..."

Dean gave another nod to that. He straightened up, body shaking slightly as he walked back to his car, head held up as he took his steps. Dean unlocked the Impala slowly, opening the door to get in. Once the car door clicked shut Dean lost it.

Dean let out a sob he had been holding back since he heard the horrific news. Tears that had been slowly forming now rolling down his cheeks. Dean let his forehead hit the top of the steering wheel as his hands clutched the sides of the wheel, knuckles turning white. His breath sped up and became non existent all at the same time. He lost track of it along with everything else. The only thing he could feel, could focus on, was the pain that felt as if his throat was swelling to the point it was closing. He began to cough after he had realized he desperately needed to breathe. This could only be compared to drowning. The feeling of pressure building and building, your world, your walls, closing in on you. Dean had been trying to wipe his tears away but ultimately gave up, knowing that it would be of no use as more would replace what he had managed to get rid of.

Dean's phone was vibrating and going off but he didn't acknowledge it. How could he, his, reason for life, his lover, was gone.

The morning soon turned to afternoon and Dean's phone was still vibrating, having been on mute during the meeting, about twenty missed calls now adorning its bright surface. With jittering hands he reached into his pocket bringing it out and reading the screen. It was Sam.

"D-dammit..." He whispered, the promise he made to his brother coming back to his mind that he'd call. Dean took a breath as he slid the green button to answer the call, then placing the phone to his ear. Dean whispered, "H-hey Sammy..."

"Dean," Sam answered simply feeling nothing, but the alleviation of worry.

"You said you'd call me right after the meeting... What happened? Is Cas delayed another month?" Sam asked as he was researching his for a mid-term on the computer, still being in college. He was in his third year of education at Stanford University. The light noise of typing coming through the speaker.

"Sorry I didn't call you..." Dean first apologized, voice quiet with an added sniffle. "I jus-just... I needed to..."

He paused for a moment before beginning to speak again. "Sammy... Cas isn't coming back..." His hand tightened around the phone as his sentence came to an end.

Sam furrowed his brow, typing coming to a halt as he now focused his attention to his brother. "Dean what do you mean? Has his deployment been extended that long...?"