How to FORGET

Am I dead? Sleeping?? or Both???

I can feel my unconsciousness slowly seep into the conscious part of my brain as my mind comes up from the heavy dosage of drugs they must have given me.

My eyelids feel heavy and my entire body is stiff. I try to move a part of my body; any part of my body. However, I only end up twitching my pinkie finger.

This in itself ticks me off. I hate it when I’m incapable of doing something that is normally simple for me to do. Especially since I’ve had worse injuries than this that my mom refused to take me to the hospital for because she knew they’d discover my scars and bruises. I’ve survived way worse than this with no drugs or medicines. It was torturous but I refused to let my mom see me weak.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I have to open my eyes and figure this place out! I’ve only been to one of these once before when I had actually gotten a nice foster home for a change and the kind lady took me to get a checkup. Even then, it hadn’t been the Emergency room, only a pediatric doctor’s office.

I focus on my hand and imagine myself flexing it in my mind. I slowly feel my fingers moving and I force my hand into a fist. Suddenly I hear a door open and I realize there is a rapid beeping noise sounding loudly on one side of the room. I assume that is a heart monitor and realize that I must have really been focusing on moving my hand because it’s beeping so quickly that it’s almost one steady beeping noise. But, as I listen to my own heart beat I realize something is wrong. My heartbeat isn’t speeding up at all…

…my heartbeat is dead.

How could this be!? I don’t feel dead! I mean I guess no one alive knows what death feels like…but I at least assumed that my brain would start to slow down which would slowly shut down my ability to hear, feel, and ultimately eventually think….. I don’t know.

Where will I go when I die? Will I wonder the earth as a ghost? Will I see others?

I’ve never believed in a god. I mean even if there was a god he must be a cruel one! For, how could a loving god put me through so much pain and misery!?

I mentally cry out in anguish, How could this happen!? What hit me out there on the tracks that led to my death!?

Wait. Who was that guy who saved me!? Where is he now?

'Probably far away from you by now, just like every other guy you’ve known!' The snide thought spills out before I can control it.

However, before I can reprimand myself for being so negative I hear the door open again, but this time there is way more than just one pair of feet. I can also make out the sound of wheels rolling over the floor. Is that those electricuty thingys? I have no clue what they are called but I’ve heard of them. I’ve heard that the nurses and doctors put them to your chest and it sends shocks through your body to try to restart your heart. But they’re not going to do that to me right?

To my right I hear someone walking towards me. But their shoes aren’t as loud as the others were...and it’s a weird sound like a bunch of heels all hitting the floor at different times. Kind of like the sound, my old cleats used to make on the tiled kitchen floor after I played soccer with daddy down at the fields. Then a picture comes flashing through my head. Its Cristiano Ronaldo? Wait no! it’s the guy that was playing at the fields! Wait, why is he here? Was he the one that saved me? Even so why would he be here? I’m a complete stranger! So why would he care about me?

I can hear him walking closer. The sound of cleats are unmistakable.

My hand is starting to cramp from me holding it in a fist all this time. But for some reason I can’t seem to will myself to loosen it. Maybe it’s because I’m ‘dying’.

I hear the man stop right beside me in my bed and for a second I focus all my hearing on what he is doing. I can’t hear the steady flat line of my heart beat on the monitor. I can’t hear the news lady on TV complaining about the terrible economy. I can’t hear the doctors screaming to get those thingys ready. I just focus on listening to his voice. But something strikes me weird for a second as I’m doing this. I’m not breathing. I can’t feel my chest move up and down. I can’t hear my inhales and exhales. Maybe I AM dead.

Woh! That was strange! I felt a shock but I didn’t hear any of the doctors say clear! Is my hearing finally going out now? However, I realize there is a pressure on my curled fist. It feels like a person’s hand. I want to open my eyes and look at the person to know who it is, but a part of me knows it’s that guy from the fields that may or may not have saved me. Slowly my hand relaxes under the warmth of the person’s hand and another shock pulses through me.

This one runs all through my body but feels weird. I know no one yelled clear that time either, but somehow I’m still feeling shocks. I feel him pull my hand up and hold it there with both of his. Before I can think, another shock wave spins through my nerves and suddenly I feel a massive pressure lift off my heart. I can feel my lungs screaming for air. I open my mouth and suck in as much as I can and hold it there as long as possible before I simply must let it out.

There is an aura of triumph in the air and the hands holding mine loosen slightly. I quickly open my hand and weave my fingers through his so he can't pull away yet. But I am weak so if he did try to pull away I would have to let go. However he doesn’t leave, in fact he moves closer to the bed and I try to smile but my whole body feels tight and tired.

 So I just rest.

Even when I hear the screeching sound of something being pulled over to the bed and feel the pull of his hand when he sits, I still lay there. Sleeping. 

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A/N

Okay so first of all those electricuty thingys are called Defibrillators i just called them that in the book to show that she doesnt know much about them, only what she has heard.

Also! I love you all for reading this!!! your amazing!!! I am dedicating this chapter to Kauss, because he is an amzing person and friend, and he's just cool like that! 

If you have any ideas for a name for the Cristiano look alike you can PM me or Comment below!! My favorite will get a chapter dedicated to them!! YAY! I already like the name Cris just because it relates back to the whole Cristiano lookalike thing! But i wouldn't mind more options!!! :))

Vote/Comment below if you want to make my day amazing!!! Give me your opinions! 

You guys are awesome!!! 

--rOoLeR-- <3