i don't know if i can handle your games anymore. you mess with my mind and i can't take anymore of it. i'm done with every single lie you've ever told. and don't even say "that sounds like aliyah wrote that for you" because she didn't. i'm my own person, you know.
you can't just brush me and my feelings away. life doesn't work like that. you act like my feelings don't matter, because you're bigger and older than me.. i'm still young. i'm fragile. i'm like a baby bird that wants to fly, but can't because their wing is broken. you can't just take your anger out on me. my emotions can't handle it.
you can't just expect me to not tell mom my discoveries about you. remember that one time i was asking you to help me with my math homework, but you were on the phone with jamie talking about the drug tests you've taken? cause i do. i remember it crystal clear.
remember that one night logan was in the house screaming for his dad and you were out in the garage snorting cocaine? i remember that. i was the one who caught you, remember? you were so worried about it that you actually stood up and told me to go back inside. what a great father!!
you act like you're such a great person for talking poorly about your kids' family to make yourself look better, but really all you're doing is making us hate you even more. i have lied to you before, ill even admit it, but the only thing i've ever lied to you was saying i was ok or that i loved you. yes, you were my father and i did love you at one point, but does anything matter to you at all? all you do really is scream at us kids for things we didn't even do. i don't control things. nor does aliyah or kurt. but teenagers get attitudes and they yell. that doesn't mean they "run the house". and honestly, i don't think you have much room to talk.
you act like you're a good person, but i don't talking bad about your children's mother makes you how you make yourself out to be. if i'm "little kim", does that make me everything you call mom? that's what i feel like.. so i'm a whore, skank, cunt, etc etc.
you need to grow up, honestly. once you read this, i hope that you learn to be a good parent.
i'm tired of all the drugs, alcohol, fighting, screaming, throwing things, mean words, and then you acting like everything's ok? it's not ok. it never will be ok. you lie, but tell us not to. you always talk about 'bad guys' but in reality, you're a bad guy yourself.
i hope that logan grows up in a different environment. therefore, not your house.
remember that night you went to a bar with your friends, leaving your kids alone? me and aliyah were still up. maybe you should pay closer attention to what you're doing.
remember the time you said never lie? my entire life was a lie- because i spent half of it with you. every word you say is a lie. that's why you can't trust the truth. you believe the lies and shut down the truth.
remember the time mom came back to get us after "running away", and you threw a screen door and broke lindsay's arm? what a great role model! do us all a favor, and change. it's best for everyone. i can't make you do it, but i'm hoping to at least make you realize how your own child feels.
remember when you called aliyah my half sister? guess what, logans my half brother. you call her my half sister, i call him my half brother.
can you believe it? logan snitches on you when you leave us alone. and what he says, he sure as hell cant make that up. if i'm not family to you, let me leave. it's no fun being in a place where you get screamed at for stuff you didn't do.
yes, i love my family, but if i'm not family towards you, then why would you be family towards me? i don't care anymore. i'm speaking what's on my mind.
remember that drawing where i said i lost trust and gained depression, anxiety, emptiness, etc etc? that's all because of you. i've learned your lies and your games, but i think i'm done playing them. it's time for me to go back into reality where i feel safe and loved. i want to go back to when i didn't have to worry wether or not i was going to get screamed at. but the worst part about going to your house was that you didn't care about me. i was the one who always got left out. and no, it's not because "i'm never there" it's because of what you feed into logans head. he believes anything and everything.
and you can't get mad at me for this. you are the one who told me to stick up for myself. i just never had the courage to do it to you. but here i am, gaining the courage to send you this, after planning to write this, actually writing this, and showing people to see if it's good or not. here i am, sticking up for myself. my last words to you as my "father" is: goodbye. learn to be an actual decent person, and grow the hell up. no 39 year old should act the way you do. no 39 year old calls their parents to bail them out of jail after hitting a woman, and taking a police officers phone. i know the whole story, carter bubp saw the entire thing. carter told rylin who told tanner- basically what i'm getting at, is stop being such an idiot to everyone, and grow up. learn how to be a human being that isn't so full of crap most of all, act like the father youre supposed to be. thanks. good luck 'raising' kids. you pushed me away, just like you pushed aliyah away. aliyah, nor did mom, run away. you did this to yourself. here you are, pushing me away, just like you did them.
sincerely,
haley
