I don't wanna fall, fall away // joshler

Ruby

——Tyler——
Josh is his name. The drummer in our band. Our drummer. My drummer. He struggles to assemble his drum kit in the room we're using for our admittedly small gig, but it's fun watching him. His hair is pink like bubblegum. I can't believe he actually dyed his hair. Shit I'm staring again. He glances at my red face with a questioning expression but I just shrug.

"Hey Tyjo wanna grab some lunch?" Josh asks. Of course I want to be with him. He doesn't want to be with you he's just being polite. Stop it. Stop. It.

"Yeah ok."

We drive for almost an hour. Josh won't tell me where he's taking me.

"Where are we going?" I ask. Josh smiles at me and says it's a surprise.

We arrive at someone's house. This is not a restaurant. Josh says he'll be right back and goes to knock on the door. A girl our age opens the door. She has platinum blonde hair and is even shorter than Josh. Suddenly she reaches up and kisses Josh right in front of me. Wait, why do I care anyways? Josh is allowed to have a girlfriend.

Holding hands, they return to the car. She sees me in the passenger seat and gives me a look. I take the hint and climb to the back seat. Not Josh's right hand man anymore, huh? Look at how easy it was to replace you. My thoughts scream in hurt as the couple gets into the car then reunite their hands.

Josh turns to me "Ty this is Ruby. We've been dating for three months now." He doesn't tell you everything. I bet everyone else knew.

She giggles "Hi! I hope you dont mind if I tag along to lunch." Ruby glares at me almost like a threat. Am I a threat to their relationship?

We soon arrive at an italian restaurant and we take our seats. I slide to the end of one booth, to make room for Josh, but he ignores the gesture entirely and sits across from me with Ruby. Josh and Ruby talk for about two eternities, one of which is spent with josh whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
Nothings, remind me of you.
Go away.
The pizza I ordered gets to our table and so does the platter of spaghetti Josh and Ruby are sharing. As I eat I hear him whisper

"You're an angel fallen down"

I cringe at the words, but they don't seem to notice. I should try to talk to her.

"Where are you from, Ruby?" I ask.

She smirks and her eyes sparkle. "The promised land" Josh laughs his sweet laugh and I force a chuckle.

"She's from Nevada, Tyler." You're not Ty in front of her.

"Oh" Ruby starts bantering to Josh about something to do with her mom painting her room this week. I tune them out. They won't miss you. No, no they won't. Eventually, the agonizing lunch ends. We drop Ruby off at her house and head back to the venue.

"She lived in a small town in Nevada, apparently they worshiped her like she was royalty."

"Cool" I look out the window. Josh senses my unwillingness to talk and stays silent for the rest of the ride. Once we get back, Josh practices the drums and I go over the set list in my head. You're going to fail Tyler. I know.

"Hey Josh?"

"Yeah, Ty?"

"I, never mind."

"Tell me"

"I don't like her" josh nods slowly.

"She's my girlfriend."

"Yes, I know."

"I love her Tyler, why do you have to hate every girl I like?" He hates you. "You know what? I'm tired of your weird jealous acts. You need to chill. I'm not yours"

"Ok" I say. I leave.

I go to my forest and cry. Why are you like this? Everyone hates you. You should just do everyone a favor and die.

My hand shake and i reach for my phone. It's almost impossible but I call Ruby. It goes straight to voicemail.

"Ruby? Hi this is Tyler. Just, I, um, tell Josh I'm sorry ok?" I hang up.

A few weeks ago I stored some razors in these bushes, just in case. Do it. I cut, once, twice, too many. everything is spining. Blak an grey and whie and dizy. Finally, you made the right decision. The last thing I am aware of are sirens blaring and red and bubblegum pink hair and red and darkness.