Black Water | Jax Teller

Chapter 13

Jax enjoyed going on long rides. It gave him time to clear his head and gather his thoughts. He was able to take a step back from the very things that were clouding his head. Even though with Abel's recent hospital scare, even though the need to be on such a long run was not high on his priority, this space was needed especially in regards to him and Vanessa. In the past month neither of them had taken the steps to figure out what they were doing.

The only thing Jax knew was divorce was not an option, but maybe it was what needed to be done. He could tell Vanessa was scared of him, not physically, but what he was doing to her emotionally. He didn't make matters better with his cold front and distance. Yet half the time he didn't know whether he wanted to rip her clothes off and put his claim on her and clearly remind her that her pussy belonged to him or mutilate the man that touched his wife. Honestly, he wanted to do both, but the latter meant coming to terms with what happened.

Maybe that was why he was so scared – territorial – when it came to her. There were certain criteria that made a great Old Lady. Besides in him telling her everything or nothing, there was the fact it was made abundantly clear that she didn't need him, she was smart in knowing how to navigate in his world, she knew how to keep him in his place, and of course, she had the looks and skills in keeping him coming home every night. And knowing how in the past year she could live without him that scared the shit out of him.

That deep rooted insecurity was itching to surface when it came to her. Despite Vanessa being raised in Charming like him, they grew up in different worlds. She was smart and the most beautiful woman to him. He remembered when she first came back from college from San Diego State, their first encounter wasn't much. He thought it might have been at the Fun Town carnival where she was at with some old friends of hers from high school. He recalled the only interaction was a simple smile and a few giggles of her friends. Knowing him he probably slept with one of them, but he distinctly remembered Vanessa Givens always being beautiful in her white shorts and navy t-shirt, but there was just an innocence with her beauty. She returned from college a fucking woman – a vixen. It was noticeable she had grown and remembered that smile and how she had trapped her bottom lips between her teeth as they caught each other eyes before she looked away. She was always a fucking tease.

The next time, they saw each other and actually spoke was at his mom's annual fundraiser for Charming. It was then when he learned a little more about her and how she got a job a Pilgrim Grove which was pretty impressive considering she was just a recent graduate. She made him work for it though, his revolving door of women was well known throughout Charming, and Jax could admit he was a little bit thrilled by the chase. It was nice having a little push and pull and having to work towards getting into her bed. He couldn't recall ever having to do that since Tara. It was nice for a change, but what he didn't expect was to become obsessed and hit by cupid's fucking arrow.

But the first time he felt that insecurity when it came to her was when he decided to stop by her work and bring her lunch. Something he never thought he would do. He even took off his cut out of respect for her job. It was a fight with the secretary in getting her to call Vanessa and he already knew his reputation proceeded as when Vanessa did arrive to the front office the secretary couldn't hide her disbelief and disgust that Vanessa was seeing him. Vanessa never made him feel inferior, even as she introduced him to her coworkers, but he couldn't help but see she had a future. And the words Tara spewed to him about Charming being poison and a cesspool haunted him in that moment. Even if the club was okay and occasionally would hit the feds radar there was always that stink from just being associated.

But Jax was a selfish man and he fell hard. Plus it didn't help that only a few months later, she was showing him a positive pregnancy test.

As Jax pulled into the parking lot of the SAMTAZ clubhouse, he knew he really needed this run for him and Vanessa.