Entangled Souls

Chapter 5

John carefully opened his eyes. A garish light blinded him. Had he done it? Had he really put an end to his life? But then a human shape entered his line of sight, in the form of a nurse.

He was alive! He was not able to take his own life.

"How are you doing, John?" she inquired with her gentle voice. She was relatively young and not bad to look at. The complete opposite of his mental image of a coarse, eternally ill-tempered chief nurse. How one can confuse themselves, he thought. He was not able to say a single word, as his lips felt dry as dust. She appeared to notice his speechlessness and fetched him a glass of water, which she carefully tipped into his mouth. Movement was hellishly painful and felt like a thousand stabbing needles boring into his skull. He could not hold back a soft groan. The nurse immediately laid his head back onto the pillow.

"I know you are in great pain."

He tried to nod at her in confirmation, but even this little gesture caused him great suffering. She stroked him gingerly on the cheek. A few minutes later he fell asleep once more.

To spare John the worst pain and to keep him stable, the doctors put John into a deep sleep which lasted for over three days. As he was brought out of this coma into wakefulness, he already felt worlds better. He had survived and his doctor assured him that he would not have to deal with any residual damage.

"You got lucky, my boy!" he let him consider. "You could have come out of this severely handicapped."

"I could also have been dead, which is what I intended from the start," he quietly answered.

The doctor reproachfully shook his head and let him know that the police wanted to speak with him, in the event that he felt lucid enough to be questioned. John agreed. He would not be able to get out of this conversation anyway. So he asked the officers into his room and confirmed what they already knew. There was no foul play involved in his case. Rather he just wanted to pass out of this life voluntarily. Why, did not interest them. Nobody cared why and how he did this and that. He was a Nobody, transparent like water.

"You're completely losing it now. Is it not enough for you that I'm dead?" he heard the icy voice of his brother.

"What do I have left in this idiotic world? My life has long since lost any meaning. Especially after you never resurfaced from that damn water."

"Well now I'm guilty, too, that you're wasting your life away. Pull yourself together already, man. That was three years ago. You've just been screwing up since then. You even dropped the ball with that pretty girl, Rosie. She could have reignited that fire in your chest. But no, my big brother is always stuck in the past."

"Shut up and just leave me be. Can't I just be left alone now," John mewled.

"I will never leave you alone," echoed the last words of the ghost that would not let him go, maliciously into his ear. Tears streamed down John' face. He felt lonely and abandoned. He did not want this life anymore and would have given anything to finally end it.

+++

The young, pretty nurse entered his room and graced him with an enchanting smile. She radiated such warmth that John would have immediately taken her in his arms if it meant finally banishing his brother and his loneliness out of his mind. How amazing it must feel, to actually feel her body.

"You have a visitor, John," she beamed. She seemed happy that someone was finally interested in his situation. But John could not for the life of him figure out who would take the time to visit him here. However, he secretly hoped for Rosie, his ex-girlfriend, who no longer wanted anything to do with him but may still have worried about him. He could not count on his parents. They had long ago wiped him from their lives and did not want to hear from him anymore. He anxiously looked over toward the door. A young man entered, and at first glance he did not recognize him. Was this not his neighbor who threw a party in his flat every weekend? He did not like him. He was one of those people who never gave John the time of day. Or even worse, the type who would taunt him and talk behind his back.

"John, this is your guardian angel," the nurse introduced the fellow as he slowly walked into the room. "Had he not reacted so quickly, well..."

"...then right now I would be where I wanted to be," he grimly interrupted.

"Don't say things like that," she assured hm. "I'd better leave you two alone."

And then she was gone. The sickroom was only furnished with a bed. Either Peter's neighbor was very well privately insured, or they preferred to not put a suicidal patient in contact with others. Nevertheless, Peter hated these clinical, white walls that made you cold to look at. No bouquets decorated the room. His neighbor must not get many visitors. This was when it hit him that he forgot to bring a present. But above all, he came to talk and that was becoming extraordinarily difficult for him. Peter had no clue how to strike up this conversation. He did not know this man at all. He would have loved to just leave, because this John was staring at him with such unabashed hate that Peter no longer felt like being around him. Yet as a fledgling psychologist he had to learn how to approach and stand up to such malcontent. Determined, he walked up to him, pulled up a chair, sat down next to the hospital bed, and extended his hand. But the man lying down did not respond. Peter quickly withdrew his hand.

"I'm Peter, your neighbor," he said, trying a new approach.

"I know who you are," the man grumbled.

This could get nasty, thought Peter.

"I'm happy you're alive."

"Since when have you been interested in me?" jeered John.

"I know that we've never had much in common up to this point, but maybe that can change?"

"Only because you appear to have saved my life, the two of us aren't going to become exactly best friends."

"I know, I know. But we could at least talk to each other like normal adults. Or is that too much to ask."

Perhaps Peter was being too harsh, but begging would not help his case at all. After all, he had saved his life and not turned away.

"Is taking my own life away without interruption too much to ask?" John spat.

"Yeah, it is. Life has a lot to offer. All of the beauty and possibilities that await you outside, you can't just want to throw that all away. Let's talk about this. You really need to shake these demons off your back. That's what I'm here for. Here and now," Peter tried to assure him.

"Please leave. I want to be alone," John answered firmly.

"Okay, if you don't want to. In any event I hope you get better. We'll see each other back at home."

Peter waved him goodbye and hurriedly left the room. The plan had clearly backfired. He only shrugged his shoulders at the nurse rushing by and wasted no time in leaving the hospital as quickly as possible. He was not willing to give any more explanations. Definitely not. Peter had not counted on such flagrant enmity against himself.