First of all this isn't going to be the best, but I will try my best to explain everything and all the details.
Okay, so my life has always been good, at least to me it was. I had an amazing dad who I loved me more than anything else in the entire world. He meant everything to me, he was my best friend! Everyday I would sit on his lap and we would always watch TV, Sanford and son, blazing saddles and more, but loved watching them with him. I was a huge daddy's girl like most girls, I was his little girl and I always was.
We had money, we weren't rich or anything but everyday we would go out and eat. He was a firemen, been there for over 17 years and he was one of the best! Everyone loved my dad, he was like the town hero. He once saved a man who had fallen in a man hole. My dad was the only one who could fit in in the hole and he was the only one willing to do it. Since that everyone looked up to him, they all loved him.
When I was 12 my dad decided he wanted to be a cop, so he applied for one and he became one. He would go to work at 5 in the afternoon and get home at 5 in the morning and off on Saturdays. He had always wanted to be a cop, it kind of runs in the family. His dad was a cop, my moms dad was a cop so it runs in my family (really) well anyway, once he became a cop he changed (not in a good way either) he acted different and I was 12 then so I didn't really pay attention, he seemed the same to me...I still sat with him.
But one day the day I will never forget was the day it began. I was outside playing with my two friends Preston and Jr. when I came inside to get us some snacks and my mom was on the couch crying and I didn't know why. My dad was sitting in the chair like nothing happened watching TV. I went back outside and came back inside and asked my mom the words she said broke my heart "He said he doesn't love me" I really didn't understand what she meant in that moment. Then after that night the fighting started happening. Everyday they would be yelling and everything, one night it got bad. The fighting started, the yelling and the cussing next and they were in the kitchen when I heard a glass break. I ran in the kitchen and my dad had his hand pointed at his head in the shape of a gun. He was pissed and I could tell so I ran outside screaming "Call the cops! Call the cops!" and I ran across the street to my friends house and his mom ran to my house, then my aunt came and my grandma and grandpa.
After everything calmed down I went back home. My aunt and everyone was talking to my mom and dad and I heard my mom say "He had the gun at his head wanting to kill himself" I never thought that my life would change, I thought I would always have my dad and I always thought I would be his little girl.
But I was wrong ...now I'm 16 and I haven't seen my dad in over 3 years. No phone call, no visit...nothing. It breaks my heart cause I remember all the things my dad has said to me and all the things we went through. When I was like 9 I had to go to the hospital because I was sick and they thought I was dying. I stayed in one hospital for 2 weeks, and when I got out of the hospital I had to be rushed to another one. I stayed in that one for 4 weeks. During that time, my dad he would sleep beside me in the hospital bed and he would always sat beside me and never leave my side.
Now, my dad has moved on and has a new wife and a son. I miss him more than anything, but he's the one missing out...not me. I didn't leave.
This is him
He mouthed I love you and walked out of the front door.
I remember when my father left. He didn't just leave my mother, he left me. His only child, he left without a fucking backward glance. He didn't feel bad at all, he just cut me off. I didn't hear from that man in 3 years. If he was dead, I wouldn't know. I'd find out through the extensive grapevine of my mother's friends but I sure as hell wouldn't find out in time to make the funeral.
You don't know what it's like. So I'll tell you.
When you're 12 and someone leaves, it doesn't make much sense. Divorce doesn't make much sense. When you're 12, your greatest concern is the social nexus of school. Your other greatest concerns are Nintendogs and what happens on the playground after class. Tamagotchis may have also made it on the list of priorities at one stage.
