I decided to combine chapter 12 and 13 so here it is. Also this chapter is dedicated to Bieberscene
Chapter 12
[Please Listen to saving you be Chris ganim]
I sat in the back of the class ignoring people's stares, all of a sudden I had became the center of attention.
I hadnt gone home the night before fearing Zayn. I didnt want to talk, not yet anyways. I had slept on a bench, it wasnt the same as my big comfy bed but I didn't want to be reminded I had nobody. "Good morning class." I sighed. It was going to be a long day.
~*~
When lunch finally came around everybody was surrounding me asking questions and I just wanted to scream. I wish I was the way I was before. I hate that I can hear everybodies stupid remarks. "Louis." I heard familiar voice say, I looked over to see Zayn. I stood up and ran to the restrooms. I Locke the door and started to scream. I wanted to to go home, even though, home wasnt home.
~*~
After a long day of thinking I finally made it to Zayns house an headed up to my room not even bothering to say hi to my 'suppose mum'. I undressed and put on some sweats. I walked into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I was hideous. Like literally. I wasn't fit, I had a pudge. My teeth were somewhat crooked and I was just ugh. As I stared I could feel the tears starting to surface.
My mind was screaming at the mirror. It was just repeating 'you worthless piece of shit, why are you still alive, you should of killed yourself a long time ago.' 'No ones gonna love you.' I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I didn't even bother wiping it away. I kept starring at the mess before me.
I finally managed to look away and I rummaged through the cabinets frantically. I finally found what I was looking for. My blades. I know I should of took my antidepressants, but what's the point? The happiness it gives me is just a big lie. Just like my life. I grabbed the smallest one with my shaky hand and just placed it over my wrist. I pressed down and slid it down. Immediately feeling a painful sensation.
I liked the feeling so I just kept cutting my arm, destroying a beautiful masterpiece. Then it hit me. Why do this when I could end it faster with a different thing. I threw the blade and stood up quickly, causing my head to go spinning. But I didn't care I ran out of my room up one more flight of stairs and into my supposably dads room. I looked around. Searching for one thing. I opened drawers, cabinets, and doors. When finally I decided to look under the bed, and there it was. His keep out box. I grabbed it and quickly went back to my room.
I went into my bathroom and took out the black object, I thought of locking the door but what was the point of that? Nobody would care enough to knock down the door anyways. So I left it wide open. I pulled the thing back and just stared at it. I glanced at myself once more. Sobbing as I saw the worthless thing standing before it. I brought the gun up to my temple. "No more.. Pain.. No more lies.. No more anything." I said as I pulled the trigger, then came the loud bang, but nothing happened to me. I pulled the gun away from my temple and checked to see if there was any bullets, there was, it was full. I raised my eyebrow and tried again. This time putting the thing in my mouth. I pulled the trigger and once again nothing. Am I doing it wrong? Or is that even the gun wants me to suffer? I threw it at the mirror, screaming at the top of my lungs. The glass just shattered.
I dropped to my knees and curled up, sobbing. I felt arms around me and I stopped. I looked up to see those intoxicating green beautiful eyes. He frowned. He was disappointed in me, just like I was with myself, I'm such a failure I couldn't even kill myself, for goodness sakes. "Stop crying." He said pulling me onto his lap. "Please." He whimpered.
