Dear mom

3. Sober

Cont..

"Olivia?"

"Yes..I-It's me," there was another brief pause but on Serena's end of the line this time. Olivia had heard what she thought was her mother crying.

"It's so good to hear your voice, you know that?" Olivia sighed deeply, not quite sure how to respond. The tears and sincerity in her mother's voice had been unexpected, and left her stunned.

"Why did you write me mother? Why did you wait so long?" it was almost as if the words had just sprung out of her mouth. Making the phone call had already been hard enough, and she didn't feel like forcing herself to sit through endless conversation. Olivia had felt like she was in such a vulnerable position, and was afraid she'd lose sight of the point in calling her.

"There's been countless times I had picked up a pen and began writing, but halfway through I had convinced myself the last thing you needed was me trying to come back into your life. But last week..last week something changed. Olivia, I just can't bare to spend another twenty years not having my daughter in my life.." Olivia stood from where she sat and paced in the small space, looking over their backyard.

"Was everything you wrote true? Are you sober..for good?"

"I am... When you left..it took me some time but I knew if I ever wanted to see you again I had to get healthy again. I know I won't be able to ever make up for the hell I put you through, but if you'd let me, I'd like to try."

"I don't really know what to say.."

"Please have lunch with me..I need to see you at least once. I need to see that you're doing okay- that you're doing better," Olivia couldn't help the tears that were falling rapidly down her face. She had been so angry with her mother since the day she left, and she suddenly she had felt so differently. Moments ago she thought she had her mind made up. Olivia didn't even want to consider seeing her mother, but now..hearing her voice for the first time in what felt like forever brought back feelings for her mother that Olivia didn't think she had.

"How does um, how does tomorrow sound?" she offered reluctantly, knowing that she had been acting on emotions.

"I would love that," Serena's voice had been shaky, her muffled cries reaching through the phone. "You text me a time and a place and I will be there."

"Good night mother," and like that she had hung up. Olivia had felt like her thoughts and emotions were suffocating her. She leaned over the banister of the balcony, resting her forearms on it while she inhaled and exhaled deep breathes.

"Babe, you okay?" Elliot had come upstairs to check on her and had gone into a slight panic when he'd seen her like that.

"I'm fine, I'm fine I promise," she heard his footsteps stop behind her and she stood to turn and embrace him, burying her face in his chest. He had pulled her closer when he felt her tears hit the fabric of his shirt.

"Then why are you crying?" he said softly and pulled away from her, cupping the sides of her face when he did and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Talk to me.."

"I don't know. Hormones, my mom, a little bit of everything," she let out a sigh and managed to laugh a little. "I agreed to have lunch with her tomorrow, and I can already feel a small part of me getting my hopes up- I mean that's my mom. She always will be you know?"

"It's okay to want to see her. Forgiveness will come one day, but for now I think you should just let this be," he kissed her forehead, and took her in his arms once more before grabbing her hand and guiding her back inside. "How about we grab Pia from school a little early and take her out for some frozen yogurt before Corinna gets out?" he knew spending some extra with their baby girl would cheer her up a bit. There wasn't anything he hated more than seeing her like this and not really being able to do anything to help. Her issues with her mother was something she had to deal with on her own, but he wished he could he deal with this for her.