We all wish to talk to someone but few of us actually find that someone in front of whom we can bare our soul. But each of us can have a diary which will listen to us patiently and not be judgemental. In this series I shall create different everyday...
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Marriage. The final frontier for many girls in India. The dream which we live throughout our growing up years filled with thoughts of finding a prince. Like all girls I also had a dream that I would one day get to be the better half of a charming young man. That I would be the mother of two children and have my own family. That I would lead a life of peace and content as a working woman and wife. But as fate had in store, the more dreams I had made, the worse was the reality.
I was born in a middle class family and was an average kid at school. I grew up and took up science and wanted to become a chemistry teacher and researcher. As I was in my final year of graduation, I looked forward to follow my path. But then something happened which completely altered my course and my future. I started getting marriage proposals and my family was surprisingly upbeat about marrying me off.
I was never a good looking girl,(I admit rarely any girl considers herself to be good looking), but not ugly either. I had always been single as being from a conservative family, I did not want any problems in the future. I knew then that I would eventually have to go through an arranged marriage but not this early in my life. I had wanted to explore Chemistry. But then my family found Ashok, who became my husband. His was a business family and he was the only son. They were financially in a good condition and Ashok also seemed decent. My parents thought this meant I would have a secure future as Ashok's wife. There were a couple of meetings I had with Ashok before marriage. He was courteous and chivalrous with me and had a stable business and I knew that with time I would grow to love him and accept him as my husband.
A week before marriage, I conveyed to Ashok that I wanted to study further and then research and teach. His reply was the first bomb in a long list of bombs I was to get. He straight away denied allowing me work, saying that in his family women stayed at home. I had never considered that he would deny me. I was shocked into silence. My parents also forced me to marry, saying it was a good relation and should be followed through. I cried for two days. Why should I have to give up my dream? That was my only thought. But it was almost marriage day and I could not say no know. I regret to this day that maybe I should have stood up for myself. But I did not and I got married. The first real mistake I did.
The first 2-3 months of marriage were wonderful. Blissful even. I was kept well by my in-laws and I slowly became a member of the family. The fact that I was not allowed to earn my living did bug me, but I thought I was a wife , with a family and this made me content.
The first time he came home drunk was roughly three months into marriage. I had believed that he did not drink as he never seemed drunk before. I looked it over as an anomaly that I could get used to. Upon asking he told me that he drank occasionally with a few friends. I took it in my stride and carried on with my life. The coming home drunk started increasing. My in-laws started getting less friendlier. More and more housework started getting pushed onto me. I still did it all with a smile on my face. Upon calls back home, my parents told me that it was a phase and it shall pass. I started realizing that the earlier 2-3 months of not drinking had been a facade.
