Consumed

Chapter Four

'You look different.' Michael said his brows furrowed. Not the reaction I was hoping for.

'Yeah.' They all started mumbling.

'Well I'm growing up, got a problem with that?' I folded my arms, genuinely hurt.

'Well I think you look beautiful.' My mother said giving me a cuddle.

'Thanks mum.'

'Mum?'

'I'm growing up. How long am I going to say mummy for?' Mother didn't look pleased. 'Oh all right then. Thanks mummy.'

'That's better.' I looked over at Michael who was still staring at me with that same expression. Not a flattering one.

'Are you wearing make up?'

'Yes.' I replied nervously.

'Why?' Because I want to bloody impress you! I felt like shouting.

'I just wanted to try it.'

'You looked fine without it.'

'Argh! Mummy! I don't want to go any more.' I could feel my cheeks flame. All the happy energy started draining out of me already. He still thinks I look ugly. Then it hit me. All this time, I believed he liked me back, where was my proof? Why would he like me? My throat tightened. 'I really don't want to go.' I said seriously

'Mary, stop being selfish. Come on.' James pulled me to the car. As much as I loved my brother, I was slightly terrified of him. I sat obediently and the whole way I stared out the window feeling upset. I was one stupid girl. When we got there, everyone came out, smiles fixed on their faces. Ice skating! I loved ice skating! A small smile crept up on my face.

'Thanks guys.' I said. But I just couldn't feel that buzz the others felt. All I could focus on was the boy in the blue jacket who didn't like me the way I liked him.

After a while I began to forget things. We were all skating and I started having fun. Half an hour and I hadn't fallen yet. I looked up saw Lilly fall, again.

'Isn't that the hundredth time you've fallen?' I asked laughing.

'I'm going to go home black and blue today.' She put her hand out and I took it to help her up. She pulled me down and started skating away looking back at me on the floor sneakily grinning. She went straight into James and they both fell over. I could feel my trousers getting damp but I was laughing so much I couldn't get up.

'Come on.' Michael appeared out of nowhere, a big smile spread on his face. He held his hand out to me but my mood had changed. Without his help, I got up and skated away. Wayne was sitting outside the rink on his own. I sat next to him.

'What's wrong?' I asked.

'Just taking a break. I'm feeling hot. Did you see how fast I was?' Being the youngest, we usually fed him lies to make him happy.

'I did. You're probably the fastest skater in the rink.'

'Wayne, why don't you go and start skating again?' Michael commanded my little brother. 'Let’s see how fast you can go.' I was still angry with him. Wayne accepted the challenge and ran off. 'Look, about before,' Michael started sitting down next to me. I turned my head away and shuffled myself to the other side of the bench. He came closer. 'I'm sorry.' I moved further. 'I didn't know you were going to take it that seriously.'

'Well, I thought now that I'm 16 I should embrace my feminine side but you just went and made me look like a fool.'

'What are you talking about? Is this to do with you wanting to become a singer?' I forgot all about that today.

'No! You see all the girls my age, all wearing make up with pretty hair.'

'You want to be like them?'

'Not exactly, but I'm fed up of being the unnoticed outcast.'

'What is wrong with you? You're acting like the girls you despise.'

'I don't despise girls that wear make up and have pretty hair.'

'No, you're acting stubborn, ungrateful and moody.' I turned around to face him.

'I am not stubborn, ungrateful or moody. It’s you! You ruined my whole day. The one day I felt like dressing up, feeling pretty, you go and make me feel like an idiot. I just want to...'

'Want to what?'

'Be the girl that people will notice.' Be the girl you will notice, I thought to myself.

'Why would you want people to notice you? Because you want to be famous?'

'No! This is nothing to do with that! It's not even being noticed. I just wanted to look nice. That's all.'

'But you don't look bad any way. Mary you've changed recently. To be honest it's a bit scary, One minute you're shy and timid, then suddenly you're obsessed with becoming a pop star. It was funny for a while but I preferred you before.'

'Today I don't feel like being famous at all.' Michael put his hand on my shoulder.

'Good, because Mary, you are a unique person. You're different from every girl I know. Go back to your old self please.' I nodded. 'Come on then. Let’s go knock people over.' He got up and put his hand out for me. I smiled and took it, but I wasn't satisfied by his little speech. I wanted him to tell me I was beautiful. No one had ever said that to me before. He'd never called me pretty. He'd never complimented my looks. Something changed again in me, something I couldn't quite explain. This time, it didn't feel good.

I was watching Saturday morning television as I usually did when suddenly I had an urge to escape from home. I hurriedly put my jacket on, grabbed my oyster and ran out of the house. I eagerly began to walk away, not knowing where I was going. It felt so good just staring downwards walking. One step over another. I didn't want to stop so I just kept going. An hour later I found myself still walking, my feet aching. I checked my phone, 13 miscalls. 4 from my mother, 2 from my father and 6 from James. I was about to change my phone from silent to loud when I realised it was on loud. Why hadn't I heard it? Then I started to feel really hot and as I looked up, I saw the sun shining down on me. Why was I wearing a jacket? As my eyes were no longer rooted to the ground I began to look around me. I was lost. I began to retrace my steps, surely if I made it here, I could make it back. I fought back tears as I walked from one place to another desperate for familiarity. Then to my relief I saw a bus stop that displayed a number of a bus that would stop only a few streets away from my house. I quickly dug my hands into the pockets of my jacket and found my travel card. I was absolutely thrilled the whole time from standing there to when I got reached my street. As I looked up ready to take my keys out I saw everyone outside.

'She's here!' Shouted Jack, and James turned around furious.

'Where did you go?' He asked, trying his best to keep his anger under control.

'For a walk.' Damn, I should have used that time on the bus making up an excuse.

'For a walk?' He laughed. Oh no, his sarcastic laugh. This wasn't a good sign. Thankfully mother came to my rescue.

'James, let it go. I'll talk to her.'

'You'll talk to her? Its you're fault she's like this mum; you're too easy on her. Look how selfish she's become. Does she even care what she's put you through?'

'What are you talking about, how selfish I've become? Whatever else have I done?' I asked feeling defensive for myself.

'Answering back, like now when you know you're wrong!' I should tell them I had a hospital appointment and I didn't want to upset anyone, I'll be let off and get sympathy. No, they'll ask me for proof. I know! I'll burst out crying. 'Then you switch off when someone's talking to you, like you're doing now!' I looked up to see everyone's eyes cast down, glancing quick empathetic looks toward me. No one wanted to be the object of James' rage. But then I came to the conclusion, I'll just soldier through it; serve my punishment for what I did was selfish. After James finished telling me off, I decided to make up for what I did by doing all the housework for the weekend. No one spoke to me properly that day, it upset me. But everyone was back to normal in the next few days, except James who didn't talk to me again until the following week.