Eleutheromania

II

Missing him comes in waves.
One minute you're feeling like you're on top of the world, and the next you're sad and missing him like crazy. And then you listen to those songs, or look at those pictures, or read those messages, and before you know it you've dug yourself a hole and jumped right in. So now what? Because there you are in that hole, with everything caving in on you and no one to pull you out.
When the bad waves come, they practically drown you. And the next wave hits, and you're totally under. And you sit there and pray that he would just text you. That he would just tell you that he chooses you, now and every other time. That it's you and it always will be. That she means nothing to him and that you're the one he wants, that you're his beginning and end and everything in between. But you know that he won't, and he shouldn't. Because none of that is the truth. And you know that you don't deserve him anyway. It wasn't meant to be. If it was, then it'd be. But here you are instead hoping that in fact he won't say any of that, because it's not true, not now, not ever. And you think you can learn to accept that.

Because missing him only comes in waves.