Just a little something for me

Thoughts

Thursday 9th March. 14:20
A conversation with ones self.

ButterflyQueen: Do you ever sit there and think back through the different memories that you have had through out your life? Certain memories that you vaguely remember? You know they was good though. A great experience you've had.

CaterpillarPrincess: Yet you've done how forgotten it.

ButterflyQueen: Do you ever want to relive these memories? Maybe the people involved have drifted away...or maybe you pushed them away...shoved them off the ledge...Now they don't want to return.

CaterpillarPrincess: Well who's fault is that? Hmm?

ButterflyQueen: Maybe you want to relieve it because you want to turn back the clock. Change the things that have happened. Stop certain things from happening or maybe it's because you miss the you, you was then.

CaterpillarPrincess: You mean that strong, independent, loving, caring, happy, unbroken and affectionate girl that you once was. So soft, she was never broken...I don't understand how such an uncontainable, wild spirt turned into you. Caring and over sensitive. That sweet, quiet, innocent girl...where did she go? Huh? Oh wait you killed her. You blame society and all those people but in reality it was you. You did this! You took her spirt...her very SOUL out from under her. But that's okay. You thought it was time to change. You thought she cared to much and took everything to heart. And she did but now you can't take anything to heart because you feel numb on most days...you can't feel anything most days. She was a door mat who forgave everyone who stepped in her because that's what she was there for after all.

ButterflyQueen: She was too soft. I had to kill her. Butcher her and leave her in that dark place so nobody would find her. I was so tired of being treated like a welcome mat. I would let so many people step all over me. They didn't deserve her Heart of Gold. They wasn't worthy...yet she let her in.

CaterpillarPrincess: You murdered her. All to become this mess. This shell of a person. This person who can only feel things around other people. You only smile with them. When you're alone all you feel is numb or sad. You are weak. No matter what anyone says. You didn't make it through hell. You let it grip you and hold you tight. You're still there. You never left. Your soul reminds there while you roam around.

Let's also not forget the guilt and regret you carry with you every day. Even haunts your dreams. You regret it don't you? You feel bad for destroying her? Don't you?!!

ButterflyQueen:Yes...

CaterpillarPrincess:Good! You should! Did you even realise how far you'd gone? How much you killed that free spirit of yours? Did you notice how far into the dark you'd fallen? How much of yourself you lost? Do you understand now? Do you realise how much you lost? I bet you wish you had it back. This is why you actually go relive these memories, theses times; isn't it?

ButterflyQueen:...

CaterpillarPrincess:ANSWER ME!!!!

ButterflyQueen:...

CaterpillarPrincess:Is it because I am right? Do you know? Do you want her back?

ButterflyQueen:...

CaterpillarPrincess: Guess what?

CaterpillarPrincess: Tough Shit! You'll just have to deal with the mess you've become. It's too late for you now. She is never coming back.

CaterpillarPrincess: You should have though about that before you did what you did. Enjoy your weak arse self. I am done you are on your own.