Just a little something for me

I need you

Last night I was over thinking,
Stressing,
Worrying,
And I couldn't sleep.
I had a ringing in my head from all the voices scream at me.
So many demons,
Just waiting to take me.
I was upset.

I had no where else to go,
No one else to talk to,
Everyone was either ignoring me,
Or just couldn't be asked to deal with my shit.
Or maybe that was what I thought,
Maybe it was me that couldn't be asked to deal with my shit anymore.

I know I've had a lot of break downs recently and I'm sorry to the people I trusted enough to talk to about it.

But I'm not sorry to you,
You don't make me feel like I have to apologise.
You make it seem like you care.
You do care,
A hell of a lot more then anyone else in my life.

When I felt like nobody else cared,
You told me they do...
But I don't think they do...
You said they did, wouldn't stop saying they did.
I guess you didn't want to have to do what you did last time I went down that path.

I told you what I was thinking about,
You reassured me,
Telling me I just had to hang in there,
Wait for it all to work out.

Once you reassured me,
You decided to take my mind of it.
You knew that it wasn't enough to just reassure me,
I needed it off my mind completely.

We spoke about meeting in a few years.
You want to come to Europe and I want to go to you.
I'd go anywhere just as long as I'm going to meet you.

You are just like the close older sister I've always wanted,
You're always there for me when I need you.
Hell last night when I messaged you,
You'd just got back from work,
You haven't been sleeping well,
You was so tried.

I told you it didn't matter what was bothering me, it could wait.
I told you to sleep but you said no.
Asked me what was wrong again.
I told you, knowing you'd get it out of me eventually.

You maybe 22 but bloody hell are we too similar.
I don't know if that's a bad thing for you or a good thing for me.
I don't care either way.
Nothing would change anything between the two of us.

There's so many things that we both like.
There's so many similarities.
I adore you.

We spoke about my theory of why we're so similar last night.
We agreed that it probably would be what happened.
We laughed about it.

After a month of talking to you,
I spoke to a friend of mine about you,
I never told you about our conversation.
And I probably never will because it's strange,
You'd probably understand though.

You understand everything.
You understand me.
You are one of the most important people in my life.

I care so much about you.
If you ever stopped talking to me,
I don't kno-

I do know,
let's just say that,
The promise I made you Izzy,
It would be broken.
And by broken I mean shattered,
The sight wouldn't be pretty and it'd be unfixable.

The situation would be worse then the one I was on when we started talking.
Things wouldn't just crumble they'd burn,
Turn to ash.

I appreciate you so much Izzy,
I can't even express  in words show much you mean to me.
How much I appreciate you.
How much I care.
Hell how much I enjoy talking with you,
Or how much I love being a human,
Even if I don't always love it.

We had a conversation a few weeks back.
You told me about this special word you and your ex,
It was to let the other know when the conversation was going to deep or if the other was uncomfortable with the topic.

I realised that we've never had that.
There's so many things that we've spoke about, gone into depth about,
Yet we're both comfortable with this.
We don't need a special word,
We have no filter with each other.

You and me,
Izzy,
We'll take on the bloody world together.
Big sister and little sister.

We plan to live together at some point.
I don't mind that,
I think it'd be fun.
I wouldn't mind living with you.

I know you'd be able to put up with the 3:00 break downs.
You'd be able to cope with the constant nightmares.
You'd constantly reassure me.

Izzy,
Meeting you was one of the best things to happen to me this year.
I'm so grateful for it.
I could never thank you enough.