Traitor, Traitor | An Animal Jam Fan-Fic

Captain/3rd: This Is It

Dear Diary,

What can I say, other than this is it?

We're going, I'm going. We're going to war. This is it.

Ladies and gentlewolves, the moment you've all been waiting for.

Ladies and gentlewolves, the War of Jamaa.

And in the end, it's not a glorious, glowing battle between the Alphas and the Phantoms; the embodiment of good and purity versus the corrupt, foul virus of evil. There is no Mira with soft, warm feathers to welcome us home. There is no Zios, with molten golden skin, proud enough to burst with burning love for his children, her children, their children.

It's a battle between their children. Between those children who are bad, and those who are worse. Even us, the so-called 'rebels', the Jammers brave enough to break the rules, are far from any pure, glowing good. We have stolen. We have fought. We have killed.

I am a killer. I am a murderer. I killed because I was brainwashed by the stupid, stupid things my parents drilled into me. They told me that I could not be a boy. Mira and Zios sent me as a girl, and it was my duty to show my gratitude to them. They told me I couldn't make friends with Non-Members, because they were the "scum of Jamaa". They told them I was not allowed to have a girlfriend. I remember the shock in my mother's eyes, all those years ago, when I asked her if I could. I remember the worm of digust in my father's. I remember how my heart fell, because that meant the pretty little fox I used to admire so much would never be mine.

I remember how that pretty little fox grew up into a pretty little arctic wolf. I remember how all the boys were crazy for her. I remember how there was one Jammer who didn't instantly fall for her. Herself. Queen has never realised that she's the most amazing, extraordinary, beautiful, incredible Jammer in all of Jamaa. Sure, she's messed up, especially in this war. But everybody has messed up! I killed Flora! Fin ran away! Fab broke my jaw! Chessi and Juniper are practically bandits! Queen ran away because her feelings were too strong. I know that Fabulous loves her. I know that I love her. I'm sure Chessi and Juniper think highly of her, too. Infinity loves her most of all, though. She's his world, his Jamaa, his sun.

I was stupid to think that writing was sissy and girly. I was stupid to think I couldn't love who I wanted to love. I was stupid to think I couldn't be whoever I wanted to be. I realise now that those who brought me up weren't my parents. Mira and Zios are. I still can worship them and eventually join them in the sky. It doesn't matter my gender. I realise that now.

It's a beautiful thing, to realise.

I'll come back from this battle scarred. I'll come back missing something, someone. I'll come back hurt, shot, burnt, but I know I'll come back, and I'll come back as myself. I am a strong, intelligent, independent boy, and I am going to come back. When I come back, I'll write a million poems and stories, because I realise that I love it, I love it, I love it. I love writing, I love writing this. I promise not to leave you hanging, diary. I promise to finish you, one day, and then I'll keep you in a drawer for the rest of my life, amongst seashells and silver and all the things I'll find when I travel around the world.

I promise I'll come back.

- - -

Captain pulled on his boots. He buttoned up his sweeping yellow cloak and tied the sprig of sage around his neck again. Everybody had to choose a colour, and his was yellow. He'd always loved it, just like he'd always loved climbing and the stars.

His heart was beating fast. So fast. He was going to shed his skin and be free.

Chessi left half an hour ago and the march was about to begin. The march! Captain was going to march, at the very front, with Queen and Fabulous and Infinity and Juniper and all his new friends. He was going to march for freedom! For liberation! For love.