Beauty Within #BeautyandtheBeast

Beauty Within

My name is Cassie. I am 19 years old, and I have my flaws. For example, right now I was staring into the mirror at a constellation of angry red, fiery stars that were scattered across my face. I have eyes that my girlfriend, Sam, used to say were flecked with beautiful shades of hazel, mahogany and caramel. Me? I just think they are mud brown. 

You see, Sam and I were the perfect couple. My mum even supported us, and had so much hope for our future, once she got past the fact that no, it wasn't 'just a phase'. Yes, Sam and I were the picture-perfect ideal of a relationship. We went stargazing, lying on the dampened grass and watching in awe as the sky slowly darkened, allowing all the burning dots to make their appearance. We also had nights where we stayed in, huddled closely together underneath blankets, watching old movies like The Breakfast Club and cramming our mouths with popcorn. We talked about everything in the universe, shared kisses, and held each other close when we needed somebody to lean on. We both knew that even with all our self-doubts, the other believed us to be entirely and completely beautiful.

But then there was the other side to our relationship: when Sam's insecurities shone brighter than the all the stars we had ever looked at together, and she became a victim of her own fear. She became consumed by it. We still watched the skies above us at night, and we still cuddled under blankets that shielded us from the harsh world around us. We kissed more deeply and held each other so closely it was as though we were afraid to ever let go.

I didn't realise the reason for Sam's newfound intensity was because she was terrified that she didn't deserve to have everything that she did; everything that she loved so dearly. We would spend the days listing all the things we found so untimely beautiful about each other, yet all the while Sam was haunted by the ghosts in her mind. The day that she left my house and told me I would always be able to find her in the constellations above, was the day that she succumbed to her immense terror of all the things she thought were wrong with her, and she stuck to her word, taking her place amongst the rest of the souls who changed from a supernova, full of light and life, to a dying star, a shell of what it once was. Sam killed herself, yet I will forever be reminded of both her beauty and mine when I look to the lights in the sky.

You see, Sam and I were perfect, we had the most beautiful relationship you could ever find yourself wishing for. But sometimes the beauty within is shrouded in self doubt and a terrifyingly intense fear that you are not good enough. Sam taught me that though she forgot how to map the stars that I saw in her eyes, she held unimaginable raw beauty in the depths of her soul. Just because you cannot see it in yourself doesn't at all mean that it isn't there. All of us have hearts made of the sun, and anything that can shine so brightly through such threatening darkness is proof to us all that our existence is worth more than we could ever even imagine.