There’s really nothing left to say when you’ve unearthed dirty on each other, but he tried.
“Who told you?”
I cradled Sarah’s head in my lap and pushed away straggly strands of hair from her sweaty face. The hum of the engine died as Bobby turned the ignition forward and turned off the car. We sat in front of my house, the shanty like one with the lopsided running man stuck in the middle of the yard. The one with the barely living grass and sad tree with its swaying branches.
“You did,” I lifted my eyes and watched as his head turned this way and that, but never enough for his eyes to meet mines, “A few minutes ago.”
It was something that I had expected, the bet I mean. I hadn’t expected for it to be true, I hadn’t wanted it to be true. To know that I had been passed around from one friend to the other was a hard pill to swallow.
But I would do it.
Marcus…he was supposed to be the sweetest guy, and he’d turned out to be nothing but a jerk. As soon as he got a few quickies in he was on to the next girl, someone prettier, smarter, someone who was going somewhere with her life….someone unlike me. Then there was Bobby, his friend, the compassionate one, my crush, the one who stayed around….
But I knew why.
And I didn’t like it.
“Do you forgive me?”
God would have had me to say ‘yes’ but I said, “No, maybe someday.”
But not today.
I shook Sarah awake, and though still half in slumber she listened like a docile lamb, she followed and held on to my arm as I pushed the door open and walked away from Bobby without another word.
Because he didn’t deserve and at all.
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“Where you been Amirah?”
With my satchel bag on one shoulder and car keys in my right hand I made a half turn in the narrow hallway. Cold wind from the Central Air system just above gently blew at my weathered grey tee and too baggy sweatpants, “Mama I told you where I was going before I left.”
The beaten lady with the pretty dark brown skin and hollow eyes played with her robe, “I musta forgot.”
“It’s ok,” I shrugged and watched her closely, “can I get you something? Water? Something to eat?”
Mama shook her head and pressed a hand to the yellow bandanna wrapped around her hair, “How much money you got?”
My shoulders sagged and my eyes hardened, “For what mama?”
“I need another beer and I’m low on change.”
“Mama, I gave you money this morning.”
Irritation crossed over her face and she pursed her full lips together, “I birthed you, can’t you do a favor for your own mama?”
My hands had already made their way into my baggy sweats and I just grabbed a handful of cash and handed it to her, “There, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?”
I thought of Sarah waiting outside in my car with her head pressed against the window snoring gently, “It doesn’t matter.”
Because if it didn’t concern alcohol then it didn’t matter to her.
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They partied hard while Sarah slept the night away, below her room the kids danced and jived while I watched over her. I wasn’t the partying type, and sweats wasn’t partying gear to me so I stayed put and made it my job to watch her. Between watching her and listening to the music from below I drited off to sleep myself and slept fitfully until dawn began to pool into the slits in her blinds.
I did the usual, brushed my teeth and wiped my face with one thing in mind and that was to clean up the house. Call me Superwoman but I felt the need to help out a little bit.
Slowly I descended wondering what I would say if I saw James.
What would I look like to him?
What would I do?
Nothing, say nothing.
It had been a bad idea to come back to begin with, but I couldn’t leave Sarah, I just couldn’t leave her.
I expected to see streamers and such still hanging, popcorn crushed into the carpet, but when I set my foot on the last step I scratched my head. The house was clean. As if nothing had ever happened.
No evidence whatsoever.
“Amy?”
Moment of truth, here we go.
“Hey…um Mr. Carter.”
Guy I did not have sex with.
A towel laid on his shoulder as he stood admiring his handiwork, “Good job right?”
I nodded with a thin lipped smile, “Yes sir. Best work I’ve ever seen.”
And for a moment I felt light, like nothing had ever happened, but then he took a deep breath and bowed his head, “I never apologized.”
“For what?”
He smiled and then with one clean wipe of his hand and a rub of his neck continued, “I never should have….I never should have done what I did.”
What we did?
“Mr. C—“
“James.” He spoke.
“James, can we just…..act like..”
“…it never happened?” He finished painfully.
“Yeah, I…I don’t want to,” His eyes bore right into mines and I dropped my head as I spoke the last words, “talk about this. Ever.”
“Can we keep this a secret?”
As bad as it sounded outloud, to my ears, to my conscience it sounded like heaven.
But hell was around the corner.
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“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking shit.”
Hard fists banged against the door, “What are you doing in there Amirah?”
“Mama hold on a minute!!!”
Oh fuck, oh fuck.
Shit.
Shit.
Please, please, please.
Bile rose in my throat as I pressed my bare feet against the toilet boil and held up the white plastic stick.
“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”
Plus sign.
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A/N: You saw that coming, didn't you? Don't even try to lieeeeeeeeeeee.
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Dirty Girls
Ficção AdolescenteYeah, because having a crush on your bestfriends step dad isn't weird at all. You know what else isn't weird? ....... You just have to find out don't you?
