Fifty Shades of Love

9

Mya's POV.

I was left alone to cry. I couldn't stop the tears from pouring. I didn't know why I felt so hurt, I was in no position to. I guess because Alex saw me as that kind of girl. A one night stand.

Finally the tears began to dry on my face, and I thought of my mother, and what she was doing. I missed her, and wish I had her number to contact her. I'd write to her some day soon.

The doorknob wobbled, and Megan ended up walking in.

"I was at a friend's dinner. Why you look like you been crying?" She frowned.

"Oh it's nothing." I objected. "How was the dinner?" I tried changing the subject.

She shook her head, locking the door behind her and walking over to set down her purse.

She made her way down to me. "I want to be here for you, as much as you might not believe. So talk to me." She pleaded.

"I broke up with Damion...." I sighed, I watched her eyes grow in shock. "And.. I almost kissed Alex." I added.

"Wait. What? Alex? Not like Alex Alex. Pretty eyes?" She asked me.

"Yeah. Him."

"That boy is something else." She spoke quietly, looking down.

"I don't understand him. I don't even know why I'm mad. We were going to kiss and he said we couldn't be anything. I guess I just feel like I was a hoe to him." I explained.

Megan sighed. "Alex is .. complicated. Look I'm going to be honest with you, I used to hook up with Alex." Megan admitted.

I thought back to the party, and how Alex trailed off when he said he knew Megan because. I felt like a fool. An absolute fool.

"Alex messes with a lot of girls. It's his thing. But he claims to really like one girl." Megan told me.

"Who?" I asked.

"I don't even know. I don't keep up with him. The girl is dumb for sticking by his side. Look, Alex is the exact kind of guy you don't want to be with! I can't believe you broke up with Damion." She shook her head.

"Alex won't leave me the hell alone, and Damion's just boring."

"I'll tell Alex to leave you alone because if I don't, he will do whatever to get in your pants. I don't have feelings for him, I learned quickly to never develop them. He's unpredictable. Popular, but unpredictable. And bad news."

"Yeah." I replied. "I get that. I just want to go for a walk and clear my head, really." I told Megan.

"Let me put my number in your phone in case you need to call me." Megan pleased.

I reached from down the bed and handed it into her small hands. I couldn't look at Megan the same. I saw Alex's face looking at her, and I was disgusted they slept together. Disgusted Alex knew good and damn well she was my roommate and tried to talk to me! Be with me, or whatever you wanted to call it.

But I knew better, better enough to get caught up over him. How could a girl even tolerate him?

•••

It began to drizzle, something I'd already gotten used to considering it being my second day. I sighed. I felt awful.

Ever since I broke up with Damion he hadn't even text back. But I couldn't blame him. He deserved better effort, someone who actually wanted to be with him.

I came upon the end of a sidewalk and paused my movements. I noticed a music CD store across the street, making my way over.

The door jingled the moment I opened it, the store clerk informing me they closed in thirty minutes. He was an older guy, with pale white face. His face was comforting, old people always seem to have such innocent faces.

"Let me know if you need help with anything. I'm old but I'm into the music of now!" He laughed and I couldn't help but join him.

I found myself lost in a aisle of music. I always had a passion for it, I loved singing it and dancing to it. It was a part of who I was, that I gave up to be here. If I could sing I'd so be on a music star show.

I heard the door jingle once more, figuring there were other people coming to look around like me.

Curious, I began walking out of the aisle, bumping into a muscular chest. I looked up to see clear, green eyes peer down at me in confusion.

I didn't speak, and he didn't either. Alex looked... sad, as if he'd been crying. His eyes were puffy and red. He sighed, walking straight past me without saying a word, not even apologizing for bumping into me on accident. I grabbed his arm, causing him to turn once again with a confused expression.

"Can we talk?" I asked and he nodded.

"Let's go on a walk." I suggested.

"Okay." He genuinely agreed.

It was now raining harder, and Alex nearly ripped off his jacket.

He placed it around my cold body, helping me slide both my arms in the sleeves. It was such an interesting thing to see him so focused in shuffling the jacket, zipping it up soon after.

I'd never seen this so calm and vulnerable looking side of him.

For some reason I wanted to apologize to him.

"Put the hood on. I don't want you to get too wet." He instructed.

"I'm okay. I'm growing to like the rain." I replied and a small smile spread across his face.

"Why are you out here?" I finally found the courage to ask.

"I always go on late night walks." He replied shrugging.

"You look like you've been crying though."

He shook his head. "No. Why are you out here? Alone." He added.

"Needed some air. Can I ask you something?" I waited for him to nod.

"One, why are you lying about crying? I'll respect you way more if you tell the truth. Two, why didn't you mention you hooked up with Megan? You were going to say that the other night. I know it."

"It was the past. I never felt anything for Megan. We just hooked up after parties when we were both drunk." He looked off into the distance.

"You could have told me." I insisted.

"Damnit Mya! Why would I do that? I can barely get you to even acknowledge me now, and I don't owe you any explanations. We aren't together. You don't know anything about me and I'm in no position to tell you who I used to fuck."

His words again made me tear up, and I looked down not to make it so obvious.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Why do I make you so emotional if you don't want anything to do with me?" His hand lifted up my chin.

I didn't reply, letting the rain blend with my tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm not good at... opening up. My words come out mean, I'm not used to ever wanting to be kind. Since I saw you I wanted you, and telling you would've instantly make you reject me more. I know I hurt you when I said we couldn't be anything more. I'm used to one night stands, most girls expect that from me. I haven't met someone like you." A flush of air came from his mouth as it got colder and colder.

"I'm here to find myself. Not some fake love story." The words crept out of my mouth.

"I understand." Alex replied.

"Megan said you had some girl out of a bunch you've been with that you actually like. Is that true?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No."

"I just want to be intimate with you. But you won't let me in." Alex crossed his arms.

"Just don't want to be disappointed if I let my guard down." I admitted.

He walked in front of me, lifting my chin up to face his eyes.

"I won't let you down."