I'm are not the only one who grew up this way..
Surrounded by people who are used to say that Rhyme about sticks and stones as if broken bones hurt more then the names we got called and we got called them all..
So we grew up believing no one would never fall in love with us that we'd be lonely forever so we'd never met someone that would make us feel like the sun was something they made just for us, so broken heart strings bleed the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing don't tell me that hurts less then a broken bone.
My life is full off coming in and out of doctors appointments and the scattered memories of my childhood..
Timeline:
2003- born as Adara the little baby girl
2006- started self harming
2007- started getting into fights with older people just to get hurt
2008- notices I wasn't this girl they kept calling me
2009- father and mother got married
2010- notices father is always asleep on the couch in the day
2011- mother has had enough with my poor alcoholic excuse of a father
2015- moved from Hamilton to pap
Let's start from year 8- Date 17.02.16
The flash of pain strikes my inner thighs wakes me up before even opening my eyes I shuffled around to find the pain killers on my bedside table grading 3 pills and forcing them down my throat. Standing up then catching out of the corner of my eye in the mirror the reflection of my thighs.. let's just say it looks like a cat had a spas on my legs.. yet they didn't hurt as much as the cuts in my neck..
for about the next 3 months every morning was like this ..
It wasn't about school because no one bullied me or anything
Ha I spoke to soon.. we got split into boy and girl classes to go to our colours
Girls there decided to start calling me "it" and throw stuff at me then as I cried in the bathroom girls came in and throw raisers at me saying "don't cut us".
I came out to my mother about my low mood and about me being transgender. My family didn't take it very well for they had already decided my future as a "house wife". Even to this day I haven't heard from most of my family.
Suicide attempt 21- somewhere around December 2016
Some people in my friend group started talking about how depressed people were only looking for attention .. that was fine but then I got a text from a close friend of mine saying "I'm sorry I was never good enough I didn't mean to do anything to hurt you. You don't have to deal with me anymore.."
I didn't read it until the afternoon.. when I looked at my phone seeing I'd missed 4 miss calls from her and 2 texts then a message from her sister say "Adara? Lily has taken her life.."
I cried all night my thoughts got to me and I tried to end my life by cutting as deep as I could into my wrists it was a fail .
It's 2017 I've tried to kill myself about 37 times I spend my life in the hospital being given medication after medication to try and help with my "mental health". I'm faired by most because people have realised i have many masks and if you hurt someone close to me I winter think twice about hurting you..
My name is Adara and I'm not estimated to make it to my 21 birthday . This is a place for me to run away and write about my reality .
I'm the man behind the masks..
