Random Creative Writing Things

Rewrite of The Moon, My Mother And I

The Moon, My Mother, And I

Original

One night I was doing homework when my mom told me to come look at the moon, so I did. Then I had an idea: "Let's go ice skating."

It was really cold. I had trouble getting my skates on and lost my balance. My mother and I skated all around and looked at the stars. Then we found a neat place in the ice. I'll never forget it.

Rewrite

One night while I struggled with my maths homework, my mom called up to me "Come look at the moon Emma, it's giant!"

Racing downstairs I replied "Yeah, didn't you know, tonight's supposed to be the biggest supermoon in history." Even though I was still inside the moonlight lit up the house with a captivating silver glow. When we finally got outside I was speechless, it looked as though the sun was up, everything thrown into such clean relief. The lake almost looked like water, except it wasn't moving. Staring at the shimmering lake, an idea burst into my brain. "Mom, what if we went ice skating? The lake looks smooth enough."

"Sure honey, let me go dig up the skating stuff."

"Alright, I'll go get some s'mores." Rushing inside I grabbed all the necessary ingredients and ran to wait for my mom in the mudroom. Five minutes later she finally entered.

"Sorry honey, it took me a bit to find the skating stuff it's been too long since we last went skating. I know after your dad died it was a hard time but we can make a better life for ourselves now."

"Mom. Can we not talk about that? I don't like thinking about that." I spat out mildly meaner than intended.

"Sorry, honey it just slipped out, you know I didn't mean it." As we raced over to the car I wondered if Dad would have joined us, he had never enjoyed skating as much as we had. I could understand why it popped into conversation, it had been few days since the anniversary of his death, he's been gone for a year now. As we neared the lake I was in awe, the lake almost looked unearthly in its beauty, it shimmered in the moonlight almost like fools gold. As we walked onto the ice in awe of the beauty surrounding us, I wobbled slightly.

"Mooooooooom, I put my skates wrong. Can you help me?" Looking up I saw she had drifted away from me a slight bit and seemed to be in a trance. "Mom? Are you okay?" She was really beginning to worry me, it had been a few days since she last acted normal. Skating over, I saw she had found an almost perfectly smooth piece of ice, which was odd seeing as there was no zamboni nearby. Brushing that off, I started to tug at her sleeve hoping to wake her out of the weird trance she was in. Then I saw the ice in front of her was stained a deep red, almost like blood. Full on panicking now, I turned her around myself and saw the deep cut in her throat. "Mom no!" I screamed, "I'm getting help don't worry" Skating over to the side of the lake I ran trying my best to get someone's attention, it was hopeless no one was awake. However long I live, I'll never forget that place in the ice, it haunts me in the night teasing me with words of how I could have saved her.