Aberration

'almost'

George didn't come in from the garage that day for a long time, and when he finally did a wide irritating grin was spread across his tanned features.
"We'll be gone by tomorrow, Myrtle. Gone west for a while, ya see. It'll just be you and me, darlin', just like we'd always dreamed."
He grabbed my arms tightly, pulling me in hastily as if he were desperate for a kiss, one that I had no intention of receiving. I pushed him away, and like the flick of a switch his expression had gone from exuberant to something eerily familiar. Something that resembled myself, this person that I had known years ago perhaps in another life.
"That was never our dream, George."
He gulped, running a hand through the shaggy hair that had began to grey over the few years. He took a step back, uneasy, as if he wasn't sure of what to do with himself. His eyes sprung from the floor to mine, and then back again.
Back and forth and back and forth.
"Darling, what are you-"
"Talking about? What am I talking about, George?" I spit out angrily, cutting off a question that I had already known the answer to.
"That was never our dream, George, it was always yours but I went along with it like I've always done, but damn it, I'm sick of just going along with things!"
He was stunned, flabbergasted, shocked into a brazen silence. His mouth hung open, but only for a second until it snapped shut and his face had turned to stone.
"You're sick, Myrtle? Is that what you're telling me, that you're sick? Well you know lately I've been feeling pretty sick as well, why would you run off with enough man like that? Did you think I wouldn't find out?"
His voice cracked at the end and for a moment I pitied him, but rather than comforting him like I should have I found myself biting out another match to add more fuel.
"I wouldn't have to run off if you knew how to take care of a woman! Look at this dump, how do you expect me to be happy here?"
"Now Myrtle, you know damn well that I worked hard for everything that I could give you, don't you dare pretend I didn't try because you know damn well that I did!"
' His eyes were wet, I didn't notice until then that mine were as well. I knew I had struck a nerve that we never spoke about but I couldn't stop myself from talking. There was no going back from here.
"Well you didn't try hard enough! We still live here George, in the same garage I met you in all those years ago-"
"Do all those years mean anything to you, Myrtle? Do they? Sure I can't spare a free buck for-for- a silver spoon or something but remember when it was just you and I, Myrtle? Remember when it was just you and I and we were happy and that was enough?"
I opened my mouth to reply but he stopped me with a wave of his hand. I didn't argue, he had to get this off his chest. I could at least give him that, to listen to the thoughts that kept him up at night; what kept him awake and tinkering in the garage until three in the morning, only to wake up at six to do it all over again. If I couldn't be a good enough wife for him, the least I could do was hear what he had to say.
He spoke barely above a whisper.
"Was it ever enough Myrtle? I'd know for a while now that your heart belonged to someone else, but was I ever enough for you?"
He wrapped his arms around my waist to bring me closer, and this time I let him. He hooked his chin so that it was settled in the crook of my shoulder, breathing in a deep sigh. We stood in silence, listening to the world move around us and the clock tick by. I screwed my eyes shut to block out everything that surrounded us, breathing in the faint smell of oil that never seemed to leave his clothes. It was a comfort to me, the familiar scent reminded me of a happier time, a happier life even. I only wanted to forget about what I'd done wrong, to curl back into bed with him and laugh like I'd just woken up from a bad dream.
He was giving me that choice but our scars had run too deep to forget and I was never meant to be here in the first place.
"Did you ever love me, darling?"
There it was, the fear, the vulnerability that had him weak. He was fragile, meant to be handled with care.
As much as I didn't want to break him even more, I had to make this a clear cut, I couldn't keep it up any longer.
So with a deep breathe I shoved him, pushing him back to the spot he stood before. The distance between us was something that I had craved and feared all in one motion.
"No it wasn't, and I never loved you!"
His eyes had gotten a wild look to them, his temper flaring from something put so bluntly that it was almost terrifying how easily the words slipped from my mouth.
"Did you ever care about me in the slightest, if at all? You can't do that to people my Lord Myrtle, how am I gonna beat some sense into you? You can't do that, you can't play with people's hearts like that. Did you ever think about how foolish I would feel knowing that I loved somebody who could never truly love me back?"
He was close to hysterical now, eyes red and more disheveled than he had seemed a few minutes ago.
I froze, taking in a shuddering breath, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks on my chest that left me struggling to breathe.
Tom.
Tom could never truly love me.
I was his distraction as much as he was mine. It was a game to us that would only continue until someone lost.
I was a homewrecker, I was a scandal. I was cheap and dirty and everything that my mother made me promise I would never be.
I felt hot tears spill down my cheeks, enraged by what I had known to be the truth all along.
"Beat me!" I yelled furiously, "Throw me down and beat me you dirty little coward!"
I turned and ran towards our screen door, flinging it open with a crash and running towards the street with a bang. I didn't know where I was going, I just needed to get out.
"Myrtle! Myrtle! Myrtle, darling, please look out!"
Tom Buchanan's magnificent yellow car crackled along the gravel road as it's headlights came into view.
He would stop for me, I knew it, all I had to do was wave so I could hop in and we'd run away together.
It came closer.
"Tom, Tom!"
It was only a matter of time now, he'd stop, I knew it.
And closer.
I could hear George still yelling from the rickety screen door, but I only ran faster, waving my arms just as frantically as before.
Surely he'll stop, he'd always stop for his girl. The girl that he loves; the girl that he truly loves.
And closer.
I wondered for a moment why it hadn't stopped yet, but surely it would any moment now.
"Tom, Tom!"
"Myrtle darling, please!"
Love hurt.
No soul in the world had known that better than myself, but as the searing pain shook through my bones like an electric shock, I never expected it to kill me.
And then, there was darkness.