I cant do nothing right

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Why is it that they say there on my side but I know they arent, it seems that everything I do pisses them off even somethings that I cant controll,
Someone explain that bearly having control over your body when your in a suicidal mode can piss someone else off im sorry but if it was them I would do everything to help them but they cant even give me a hug, they dont care they never have ive bottled everything up so I dont cause problems so when they tell me to let go and it still causes problems what am I suppose to do.... I still want to die but I cant say it to anyone.....

Someone save me....

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