Crazy Bitch, Crazy Love

Who the hell am I?

"Wow. Someone please for the love of god kill me!" I was thinking about being dead all day. Just to get rid of all the pain, the suffering, the incompetence of idiotic assholes. I'm so close to ending it all. So close! Why must i hesitate. Probably because im a coward. How i've managed to stay alive is because of my coward-like reflexes jumping in the way of my insanity.

I heard a knock on the door. It was Ms. Barringer. Bleh. "Sarah. Sarah Miller, it's time to take your medicine for the morning." Oh yeah, i forgot to mention. I'm in a mental institute. Yes, i'm known to be quite crazy, but i'm NOT CRAZY! She knocked again demanding a reply, "Sarah, are you in there. You've got to take yo-" "Yeah, right, my insanity pills." I replied, sarcastically. She came in and handed me my "medicine" and a cup of water.

I asked, "Why must i constantly take water with these piils. Why can't i have some tequila or something." She looked at me, but made no reply. The way she looked at me made me feel like she was trying to say, "You don't need alcohol in your system, it's bad." But in a more bitchy way. I took the pills and i drank the water. I always hate it. 3 years in this hell hole and i still don't have a taste for water. However, all the other crazies enjoy it. They disguist me. Except for my friend, Mayah. She's the fun crazy. The son of a bitch who's ready to party. And then kill someone right after. Yeah, she was put here for death threats and cutting other women's nipples off their breasts. Only the women who had dated her exes.

Three days and i was going to leave this shitty place. I don't know when Mayah is going to get out. Hopefully sooner than planned. Ms. Barringer left and I went to go eat breakfast. Always the same. Sloppy eggs, crappy sausage and a little bit of shit paste. (A.K.A grits) I was leaving this place soon and i still recieve a nasty breakfast. Wow. Just wow.

I went to Mayah's room for a visit and she looked crazier than ever. I asked, "The hell's wrong with you, you bastard." She knew i was only joking. She replied, "You're leaving me. Why. Do i have to cut your nipples off, too?" It was dead silence in the room, and then we both started laughing. "Mayah you crazy bitch. I would never leave you purposely. It's just my time to go." "You sound like you're dieing, Sarah. But i understand what you are trying to say. I'll just miss you wearing that cupcake onesy." Said Mayah, depressingly.

     "And I'll miss your....your beautiful smile." I said, hesitantly. She stared at me and then hugged me. This rarely ever happened, by the way. I hugged her back and she whispered, "I'll miss your silky, blonde hair. Your green, glistening eyes." As she was saying these things about me that she would miss, i noticed that her left hand was moving down. I said, "Umm, Mayah your ha-" but she had interrupted me. She went on, "I'm gonna miss that porcelain skin of yours and that big, round a-" "Okay, that's enough." i said pushing away from her. I looked at her and she looked sad. But horny. I said, "Look we're best friends and i'm asexual. I'm sorry, but i can't." She looked at me and in the room held another long silence. She finally said, "Okay, i get it. Are we still friends?" I replied, "We are the craziest friends." We laughed and then i had to go back to my hell hole in which i was dieing. I had fallen asleep which never really happened. It was amazing.

                        *  *  *

    I woke up later on that day and i realized that i had been out cold for hours. I had slept for 9 hours. I have to admit it was pretty great. It was 5 o'clock in the evening and i had received some fantastic news. My release date was wrong. It was set for an extra two days! They had said that they were recieving technical failures throughout a few weeks so i leave in the morning. I have never felt happier in my life. But the news will crush Mayah. I figured that they would tell her considering that they knew how great our friendship was. So, i packed my things and i was ready for the morning. But i didn't feel like waiting that long so i went to the nurse and demanded a phone call. I said, "I need to call my friend to pick me up in the morning. I really need to use the phone. For the love of god, give me the fucking phone!" She had a scared expression on her face so she let me use the phone. I smiled and said, "Thank you, mam." So i had called Rebecca and she was all, "I don't feel like it just call Mackenzie or Vanessa or someone." I had to get a ride from her. I was planning to stay in her penthouse for a few days and i begged for her to pick me up. She finally said, "Fine, but only because i don't feel like hearing your whining." I yelled, "Thank you so, so much. I love you, Becs."

     I waited all night and didn't sleep a wink. I couldn't. All the excitement. The nervousness. It was like drinking coffee for the first time! I had stayed up all night and didn't even change out of the comfortable pajamas i wore for comfort. But all the madness was going to disappear. All of it. Gone. For good this time.