Locked Up

Chapter 4

***

It’s Wednesday, Wednesday Morning, it kept repeating itself in my head, it’s Wednesday, Wednesday Morning. I was lying down on my bed, not moving, just staring at my clock; 6:42am.

It’s only been two days of school so far and you fucked it up for all your friends, my mind taunted me, they have enough shit to worry about and look what you’ve already done in two days.

Shut up…I fought back weakly.

You and I both know you screwed it up for them. All they want is to not be looked at differently, to have a good school year, and you’ve already fucked their chances.

Stop…

You’re lucky they accepted you as their friend in the first place, why did you do it? Why do you fuck up everything? Why am I stuck with you? Why? Why!? WHY!?

Stop it! Please!

You’re so pathetic you know that? So weak, so useless, so worthless, why don’t you just…

Shut up, just shut up already!

Make me.

“Stop it! Shut up!” I screamed and fell out of bed.

I heard the sound of someone running then someone knocked on my bedroom door, “Riley?” my mother said worriedly.

“Y-yeah?” I stuttered like the idiot I am.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes mom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I paused, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s my job to worry,” she said and then walked away.

“I’m always okay,” I muttered to myself, “No one should ever worry about me.”

I lied there on the ground for a few minutes and looked around my room; three light grey walls and one dark purple wall. When I was younger the colour purple was my “happy” colour. Ha. How happy I was then. Even with my parents breaking up at the time, I was still a happy child, but now I don’t really know how to feel or what I feel… Pathetic I know.

I shook the thoughts away and looked around my room; the dark wall had a large enough window with a window seat with semi-solid black curtains, I could see out but no one could see in when it covered the window, it would let light in so at night I would pull the solid white plastic blind down to block it out. The cushion was bright red and the seat itself was white with small bookshelves built into both sides of it, that’s the first thing you would see walking into my room. The window seat was my favourite place in the house, only I knew that it could open, but either I kept it locked for safe keeping. My double pull out bed was on the opposing wall, a purple duvet with red roses and grey vine designs covering it, a white bedside table next to it (on the left wall of the room, staring at the window wall that is), covered with a lamp, alarm clock docking station, and my black white and red music box. My father had given it to me when I was little, I cherished it ever since. The matching stand up dresser was against the wall at the end of my bed, and I had a matching desk against the right wall of my room, between my closet and bookshelf.

My walls weren’t decorated much yet, aside of the plain black and white clock above my window, and my music note stickers, which were scattered here and there on my walls. I had a mounted TV above my desk, it wasn’t very big but I didn’t care, it had enough channels (including movie channels) and was after all a TV – I was grateful for it.