This may sound stupid, this may seem like just a fangirl screaming for attention, but I'm not. I know that Mark will never see this, but it's time I finally got it out. It's just a poem I wrote a couple of months ago. For Mark.
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I want to breathe again. I want to see again. After the mistake I made...I had built concrete walls around myself and I never wanted anyone to get through to me again. My life became a blur and only one thing stood out. Mark. He's all I think about. All I dream about. Everything I do reminds me of him.
- I am scared of the dark. I didn't put any light in my prison to punish myself for what I had done. But suddenly I could see light slipping through cracks that weren't there before.
- I don't want to die. I tightened everything so no air could ever get through. So I would rot in pain for all of the grief I caused.
- I can hear him. for years, I cried out, screamed... and no one heard. But I found him. I cried out to him and he answered.
- The cracks are opening. He found me. I can hear his voice. His laughter. His tears...I can see his eyes and his bright smile through these dull eyes of mine, begging to become a person again.
- He holds my hand and helps me up when I fall. He dries my tears when I cry. He fills my life with laughter and light instead of tears and darkness. -----
- He will never know I exist. He will never know how many times he has saved me from the darkness of my own mind.
- But that's okay. He may never know of my tears, my cries, how he changed me... but as long as he's happy... I'm happy. And this showed me how much he cares... " You guys saved 'me.' "
- It struck a chord. I had never even begun to consider that he even needed to be saved. He's always so happy. It showed me that he cares even more. I can hear it in his voice. I can see it in his eyes. He loves us. He cares about us. It fills me with... hope. It makes me want to keep going... no matter what. For him.
- To show everyone that even if someone doesn't know you exist... if they ' can't actually love something that they can't see. '... that it won't stop me from loving them. From loving him. I don't believe them. Someone doesn't do the things he does if they don't care. And these make me believe them even less.
- I've been watching Mark since the beginning. Since not even 100 subs. The first video I watched was Serious Sam 3 w/ octobrian part three. It was his newest video... I grew up with him by my side. He shaped me in ways no one else could because I had a rejecting family.
- I raised myself until I was twelve... And then Mark raised me the rest of the way... I say 'raised' me. I'm only seventeen... but still... he got me through the darkest times of my life. When I was ready to give up... he bring me out... saved me from the darkness. The darkness of my family, my bullies, myself. And I can't thank him enough for that... I wouldn't be even 1/3 of the person I am today if it wasn't for him.
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Ya... Sorry. I really needed to get that off my chest... I'm sure that no one will take the time to read my blubbering bullshit, but for the few... like you who is reading this right now... thank you. so much. because not very many people care... but you do.
