Reasons To Live - Charlie Grayson

Chapter 3

I woke up that next morning, gospels still playing, my back ache from sleeping poorly on the couch, and my mind was still cloudy. I sat up and stared at the spot where my mother once laid; possibly dead and felt cold all over , what did I do ? I sat down thinking of everything I could've done to deserve the life I was given, I was lost for words. The house was still depressingly quiet where's Megan? I got up, basically dragged myself off the couch, turned off the poisonous gospel music and ran up the steps, down the hall and stood in front of Megan's door. I was scared to walk in , the last time I did that I was permanently scarred by a big black dick and Megan butt naked running to slam the door in my face just thinking about it made me cringe. So I knocked; 4 times , the last time harder than the first couple of tries, I waited, lost my patience, mentally prepared myself for anything I was going to see and opened the door, I was more dissapointed than I expected to be because Megan wasn't home. I hated her for making me deal with this alone, I hated her for being a whore, I hated her for not...being here. I shut the door slowly and came to the conclusion that I , Charlie Grayson was alone. I wanted to text Megan and yell at her for not being here but I couldn't be mad it's not like she knew her mother was possibly dead. It wasn't like I had known either, once again I sat envying Megan's gift of oblivion. My phone buzzed, not once but 3 times, I was debating checking it , nobody ever texted me that much unless somebody was dying or going to prison and honestly I had my own shit to deal with. Then my phone rang, frustrated I picked it up; not recognizing the number. "Uhh..Hel-" "who the fuck do you think you are? What are you some sick fucking pervert?" I wasn't lost. I was confused. Extremely confused. "What? Who is this?" I asked , trying to keep the cool in my voice "Winter. Winter Campbell." My eyes shot open, heart stopped beating, my pulse would've stopped if it could, my mouth felt dry and my ability to communicate like a normal human being was confiscated. "Uhh..uhm....hi" sweat was beginning to brim my forehead and my heart that once stopped was now beating drastically, the love of my life was speaking to me "ugh. You're a fucking pig" and with that she hung up, I kept the phone up to my ear, long after the call disconnected, listening to the beep that was telling me it's time to hang up now but I sat there smiling, reminiscing on how hot she sounded when she said words like fuck or pig, the way she exaggerated words and how she had a slight accent behind it but wait . What did she mean? Why was I a pig? Why was the love of my life angry with me when all I did was send her a letter of my true feelings? Fucking woman. That's when it hit me, that's when my heart dropped to the brim of my asshole and I felt as if I had an ice sword slicing my heart in half. I ran up the steps , tripping over my own feet, every step I made audible in this big empty house, ripped open my book bag flinging books, notes, and notebooks until I found the one I was looking for, said a silent prayer to myself and scanned through the pages and just as I feared I sent the wrong letter. Winter didn't receive a letter about her hypnotizing beauty, Winter received a letter about my chronic masturbation to her face. "Fuck me" I sat there sobering, I sat like that for 10 minutes, then I laughed, a whole hearted laugh that made my gut hurt, imagining her face as she read my letter but became hurt again , what if I ruined my chance with the only girl I've ever come to love? "What a fucking Saturday". I sat down in the kitchen debating on whether or not I had the appetite to put down a meal, my head began to throb from my lack of food. "Let's see.. we've got bread, milk, and a half eaten apple" I closed the fridge with a heart full of disappointment and disgust "pizza it is". 
I waited approximately 57 minutes, my stomach punished me every prolonged second , reminding me of its hunger, demanding me . I received the box from the short and oddly quiet man, deposited my 25 dollars, the aroma teasing me through the box making my stomach angry. I practically floated into the kitchen; I lifted the cardboard top and gazed at the pepperoni covered cheese ecstasy. I greedily grabbed a slice in each hand , shoving each slice in my mouth my stomach finally stopped torturing me and thanked me for once. I heard a knock at the door and immediately ran for it hoping it was Megan, if I spent another second in this damned house alone I was gonna lose my sanity. "Open the door Charlie" it wasn't Megan it was Maria but hey I'd sit in a room with Bin Laden if it meant I wasn't gonna be alone anymore. I opened the door and too my surprise Maria looked beautiful, more beautiful than I've ever cared to notice. "Are you gonna stare at me or are you gonna let me in"?  She said with a devilish grin. "Oh..uh..yeah" I stammered clumsily moving out of her way so she could walk in. "Sorry to just pop up, I texted you and didn't get a reply I was just really worried ya' know ? She looked at me with those big brown eyes; expecting an answer. "I'm sorry M, I -" I hesitated, couldn't figure out how to tell her what happened, couldn't trust myself not to cry in front of her, I could barely wrap my head around it all , the pizza now felt toxic in my stomach. "What is it Charlie? You know I'm here for you" she placed her delicate hand on my shoulder. "My mom is possibly dead M, like I-" I stammered again, searching for the words to say, shaking off my tears. "What do you mean Possibly? Talk to me...please" her face sunk the same way mines had when I seen my mother laying there. I glanced back at the spot and almost sworn I still seen her there; face first in vomit. "Talk to me Charlie" she demanded, I wasn't avoiding this easy. "Yesterday I came home and my mother was face first in her own vomit , unconscious. Right there" I said pointing to the very spot. Maria began to speak, I gently placed my index finger to her lips "let me finish" and just like the obedient girl she was she listened, nodded at me to continue. "I knew it was gonna happen you know, I just didn't expect it so soon , I didn't tell her I loved her before I left that morning...I wanted to; I really did and now all I can do is wish that I had. I held her so close to me..I didn't want to let her go when the ambulance came, they rushed her out of here so damn quickly. I'm still covered in her vomit" I turned , showing her the dried vomit on the side of my shirt. I wasn't sure if Maria was disgusted or absolutely horrified "the shittiest thing is I won't even go to the hospital, not because I don't care but ....I'm so fucking scared , I'm scared that she's actually gone. I don't deserve that. I've never done anything to deserve that" my voice cracked and I couldn't hold my tears any longer, the pizza didn't have much time either . I was sick to my stomach and just felt cold all over I looked at Maria she had tears in her eyes all she could do was hold me, we stood in my kitchen crying, just holding each other and for the first time in my life I allowed myself to be vulnerable . I needed to be vulnerable.