Let Me Love You

Chapter 2

when the first silhouette of the sun appeared from over the horizon and the first rays touched his skin , jinhwan was awakened with a warmth so alien to him . rubbing his eyes and still trying to let his mind to clear up , his face flushed when he saw junhoe sleeping beside him and that they were in such awkward positions with junhoe's arms embracing him and his own legs on junhoe's thighs .

jinhwan tried to free himself off of junhoe's arms but only managed to make the other pull him closer in his embrace until jinhwan's face was literally on his chest and he was left hopeless as he stopped struggling because the boy was too goddamn strong . and so he stayed in that position for a while , sneaking glances up to watch junhoe's face and feeling the way the other's chest was heaving up and down against his and he started burying his face on the crook of junhoe's neck which was a bad move since it woke him up.

"good morning" junhoe's husky morning voice startled him and he could feel his whole body getting hot and his face getting red when he realized what he was doing and that the boy witnessed it. he immediately pushed the other boy away and covered his face , apologizing over and over again until he felt the first tear trailing down his cheek and both parties didn't even know why he was acting that way .

there was a pregnant silence in the air as jinhwan began sobbing and junhoe had absolutely no fucking idea what he was supposed to do . remembering the last night episode however , he started wrapping his arms around the other's petite body , exactly like the way he did last night and left light kisses on jinhwan's forehead , assuring him that it was fine and that he would be fine .

"i'm so sorry for doing that and i'm so sorry about yesterday . i'm so sorry" jinhwan repeated the same sentence over and over again and junhoe was more than confused about jinhwan's behaviour.
"you didn't like the kiss yesterday ?" junhoe quietly whispered and jinhwan's eyes immediately met his .

"no it isn't like that ! it's just that .. " the word was so easy to be spoken of yet he felt his own tongue twisting inside his mouth when he finally said it "it's wrong" . junhoe furrowed his eyebrows when the other said it . "jinhwan, are you perhaps .. gay too ? " 

jinhwan felt as if he was struck by a lightning when junhoe asked that question ; a question so forbidden to him and the one he feared the most . he could feel his entire system collapsing and as if he was stripped naked , junhoe managed to see through him just like that .

ever since the first panic attack he experienced months ago one night on the street after being kicked out from what he used to call his home , he had taught himself how to count the numbers inside his head when he is in the verge of losing himself to the demons .

however , right now , when junhoe is looking straight at him , anxiously waiting for an answer from him , those numbers felt like an enigma and right before he knew it , his chest felt way too tight and he broke apart again in front of the younger boy .

"NO , I'M NOT " he shouted quietly so as to not wake the others up. "you can't tell the others ! please junhoe ! you can't !" he forcefully grabbed the other by his collar and even though he knew he was hurting him , he couldn't control his action even if he wanted to .

jinhwan's bloodshot eyes were scaring him, his hands on his collar was aching his neck and the way the boy looked so broken was hurting him . junhoe wasn't familiar with this kind of situation .if he were ever to find himself in such situations in the past , he would always find an excuse to dismiss himself to avoid doing stupid things but this was really happening .