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○ Tuesday ○

This morning I literally rolled out of my bed, my whole body was aching and I had a headache. I wasn't feeling good at all, I don't know where I got this sickness from. I hurried and got dressed, I barely even tried to make myself look decent. Black leggings and a sweatshirt. My makeup was the same as always, my hair ugh. I just combed through it and put a beanie on. Again, i wasn't really trying to look good. I don't have to right now atleast. I have no one to impress, zack has hunter, just like he said. Yeah yeah he said he loved me, but what if he just said that because I was mad at him? You never know. Anyways, I made myself some breakfast then left my house. Took me a while to get to school, I was so tired. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and sleep for a few more hours, but no, school had to start at 7:53. Ugh.

Once I got to school I waited in my usual spot for Michaela, playing games on my phone. She was taking a while and I was getting tired of standing,  so I sat down. 13 minutes later, a Michaela shows up to school. I get up and we do our normal hugs and stuff and she talks about how I should just forgive zack. "Michaela okay no. If you saw the love of your life sucking on another persons face, might I add the person you hate, you would be broken.  Like how I am, he isnt gonna get off the hook that easily." "I see roxanne and yaron kiss all the time." "Yes, but roxanne is one of your bestfriends,  it has some exceptions. Hunter however does not. Me and her are no where near friends. " She stayed quiet. "Exactly. " We got to our group in no time and I stayed quiet until the bell rang and then slowly walked to my rti class. Before I did, zack hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek. "Zack." I said sternly. "Come on you can't resist." He said with a big smile and his arms open wide. I just scoffed and walked past him. Then I turned around and he looked shocked.

I got to my rti class and just worked hard on my homework from the night before. I couldn't finish it last night because I was thinking of zack the whole time. Before I knew it I looked at my paper and saw that I had repeatedly wrote "Zack Devers" in cursive. He needs to stop being affectionate to me, he should know its killing me inside. Its probably killing him because I have pushed him away. The bell rang for first class.

The school day dragged on forever, once the bell had rang for afterschool I was so happy. I wasn't on topic at all. I bolted out of the classroom doors and went to the cross walk, ready to cross when the light had the icon of a white walking man. "Hey marisa!" Someone shouted from behind me. I turned around to see that yaron was the one that shouted my name. "Oh, um hi Yaron." He stood next to me. "How are you? Zack has been worried about you. Are you guys having problems or something? You seem distant." Tears have started to form and I kept my head hung low. "Um, I guess were having problems.. I dont really want to see him at all right now." "Oh, well what did he do?" The icon of the walking white man had appeared on the black box and I started walking across the road. "I saw him making out with hunter. Of all people, it had to be hunter." "Oh." "Yeah, he admitted to it to. He said he used her for pleasure. So I don't really want to see his face because when I do I feel like crying and punching him in the throat. " "oh, geez." "Yeah, I don't think im coming to school tomorrow or for the rest of the week. If I can't survive two days without wanting to kiss his adorable face and wanting to cuddle with him, I'm not gonna survive the rest of the week. It doesn't help that hunter has been all over him too." We came to yaron's half way point and I said goodbye to him. He walked away and I walked home rather quickly.  Once I got home I went to the garage and grabbed my longboard. Then I went in the front yard and put my phone in my pocket and started riding. I road for a while and just let the board take me wherever it wanted. I skated all the way to where Michaela's party was held. Memories.  First time I met zack was here, I instantly fell for him. He was shirtless and laying down on the guest bed and I sat on the corner of the bed. I got dared to kiss him but refused, even though I wanted to, I couldn't because I had just met him and we were complete opposites. I was such an awkward person when I first met him.

I continued to ride down the road and it came to a stop so I turned around and headed home. It got dark pretty fast so I was riding home in the dark. I wasn't really scared because I know I can defend myself.

When I got home I made myself some mac and cheese and decided to oovoo Michaela. Her face showed up on my screen and we started talking. We started to talk about her and Zachariah, I have always loved their relationship.  They truly cared for eachother and zachariah was always understanding.  "So, how are you and zackery?" This was the question I knew she was gonna bring up but didn't want to face it. "Um, were doing awful actually, well atleast that is how I'm feeling.  I don't know how he is feeling, he seems to be fine and chill about the whole situation.  Inside I'm dieing." "He isn't doing so great, I just texted him and he responded with a book. " "That's nice. But, I shouldn't even be worrying,  I know I love him and he loves me but we aren't in a relationship so I guess its whatever. I'm not going to school for the rest of the week. I can't face him." She respected my decision and we ended our call shortly. I ended up watching Netflix all night and crying. I wonder how zack feels  right now. Egh. I miss him so much and its only the second day.

I fell asleep and woke up the next day at around 10 AM. I went on instagram and Twitter then decided to get dressed, even though I'm not seeing anyone right now. How should I tell zack I love him? He said It to me and I didn't say it back. Ugh. I do love him with everything I have, but I can't say it to him. My feelings are all over the place.

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The rest of the week went by in a blur. A few of my friends came by my house on thursday and hung out for a bit. It was now Saturday and I was gonna meet up with Angelina and roxanne,  we were all gonna just go to the mall, they planned everything out and wanted me to tag along. I was like "what the hey no harm done and I need to get out more." I walked to Angelina's house, she told me zack wasn't home so I dont have to sneak in or anything. I walked through her front door and went upstairs to her room. Both of them were just finishing up their hair. "Okay, let's go." Angelina said. Me and roxanne followed her out to the car and were on our way to the mall. We shopped and went into many different stores and I only bought eyeliner and some lip balm. I shoved both of those items in my bag and we started walking throughout the mall again. We were on the second floor of the mall and were looking down at the stage area. It looked like people were spelling something out with a bunch of tiny stuffed turtles. Weird. The people had spelt the word I'm so far. I wondered what was going on. We all walked more and more and then we came back to the stage, I saw what it had spelt and my heart exploded.