Poems/depressing Short Stories

the thought that stuck

I've had a lot of thoughts... The good kind,  the bad kind, the blank kind, but one thought has always stayed with me

'Why am I not good enough'

I was taught that a girl likes pink, likes chick lit, loves boy bands and Magic Mike. Don't get me wrong Channing Tatum is hot and all but that's beside the point.
Before I was able to dress myself I was put into pink dresses and white tights with cute little sandals and told to stay out of the mud.
 
Then I could dress myself and was to scared to dress the way I liked.

Then I was in middle school still dressing in ways I hated and growing up without a mother so I thought,

'Why am I not immature enough to fit in'

Then I wanted to watch a movie with my sister and she said,

"omg we have to watch Magic Mike" and I said,

"Ya sounds good" but what I thought was,

'Why can't we watch something more action filled, Batman?Maybe?' And then I thought

 'I'm just not teen girl enough' so I sat through this movie and it wasn't bad but not really great either...

Then One Direction came along and I LOVED them but I still don't know if that was just a phase or me trying to fit in... Now I'm in highschool... Now I'm basically failing and I think

'Why am I not smart enough'

Now I have a bestfriend who gets me and I can't live without, now I have a bestfriend I hold hands with down the hallway because it makes me feel safe and the anxiety goes away but this act makes everyone think I'm gay, now I dont show to much skin so I'm not slut shamed now all I think is,

'Why am I not attractive enough for a guy to look in my direction'

Now I love Twenty One Pilots who write these songs that I completely relate to and all I can think is,

'Why am I not "cool" enough to truly fit in with the people I like'

 now I ask myself,

'Why do I only have one friend?' And I think,

'Why am I not enough for more people to like and laugh with'...'

why am I not enough?'