Fragile Mind

Goodbye

I stood in the school parking lot waiting for you to get there. I remember that the weather was stormy and dark as if it were still night and as you walked toward me so strangely I couldn't help but feel fear prickle at my spine. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. I felt as if you were a great tiger and I, a small rabbit, couldn't hope to survive if I  were to make even the slightest adjustment to my bag.

It was then, when you started to speak, that I felt myself unravel. I felt the pain that you had brought me for days rise to the surface, and now, I was angry. I could feel myself transition quickly from rabbit to wolf as you suggested that I was being unreasonable. I was no longer prey.

I felt cold and distant as you rambled on. I kept repeating in my mind, 'I can't believe you. How dare you do this to me. You are to blame.' You tried to step closer to me and I stepped back. You seemed angry when I did this, but I didn't care. I didn't feel safe with you anymore. I wanted the distance there between us. You hung your head and asked if it was over. I said yes.

I hadn't actually planned to break up with you that day. I was going to wait to see how things would pan out. After all, i was a fight and everyone has them. But when you asked that simple phrase I answered without thinking. I saw your face crumble and when you managed to speak you said, "I thought so." What was that supposed to mean? You thought so? Had you already given up before we spoke? Was I so easily thrown away?

I just nodded and went to walk away, but you called my name. I stopped. You asked me to give us another chance, but I said no. I tried to walk away again and you went to catch me. I stumbled back, away from your touch, and you looked at me... so sad. But I didn't care. I was too afraid of you, of what might happen if I were to stay another moment in that parking lot. I'm sure we looked a spectacle to others, but I don't remember them. I don't care if they saw. If they knew what you had said to me, shock would paint their faces just as it had mine.

I don't regret breaking up with you. What I do regret was being with you in the first place because I don't think I ever loved you. I could have ended it long ago, but I wanted to give us a try. I was selfish and for that, I'm sorry.