What If I Stayed Quiet

Should Have Just Stayed Quiet

There is always that one conversation that everyone has running through their mind on repeat. Thinking about if I had just kept my mouth shut at that one moment or if I had said something else. Mine is one I had with a guy I would find out my feelings for only a couple weeks after we had shared those words together that one fall afternoon.

I had been friends with him for a couple years now and we had grown pretty close. He was only a grade below me in my high school, but it felt like we were in different parts of our lives. I was just starting to apply to colleges, getting ready to decide what schools were in the top of my list, all of which were across the country from where we grew up.

I knew that it being senior year, I was not actively looking for a relationship but had the mindset that if one happened to present itself to me and I thought that it would be worth a shot, I would gladly take it.

At first our conversations would either be us joking around and poking fun at each other or it could be a serious things where we would actually share what we thought. Then conversation switch and we started to talk about relationships and college. Not thinking anything of it, I revealed that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I didn't realize that it would matter at the time.

We kept growing closer and I kept realizing that every time he texted me, I had a smile on my face and I realized I was really happy. That was when I actually started to realize that I had feelings for him and that those feelings have been there for a long time. After a couple weeks, I finally grew the courage to ask him if he liked me back. When he said that he did at one point but not anymore, I asked him when he stopped. He had said that it was the conversation that we had a while back about relationships during senior year.

A while later, my best friend told me that she was starting to fall for him. I felt a little betrayed she knew how I felt about him as I disclosed all my feelings to her about him. She told me that I had the power to tell her to stop, but really she was making me choose between my happiness or hers. I told her I needed time to think, and by think it just meant cry over the choice I had to choose either him or her. It wasn't until she asked me if i was okay with her continuing to talk to him and maybe start a relationship with him that I was really starting to wish I just stayed quiet.