Poems

Telling Them

Last night I finally grew aFocal pont: Your interpretation, 

Some times I wish I was dead
Metaphorically and literally

To have the ability to not bear what is around

To move on with a unimportant existence with content

Blocking out problems that don't involve me

It would be bliss

To be able to just look away and no longer know

I wish I was that way sometimes because I listen to much

This listening turn to aches

That ache turns to a deep pain

A pain that pieces a silence

But it actually is the silence

Having the ability to ignore is bliss

But having the ability to pay attention can be a pain

Some have learned to tune into the right frequencies

Others are almost there with a crinkling static

Then there is me, and all I hear is white noise

Which makes me want yo be able to ignore pair
Had 2 panic attacks

But I did it
Something I never thought I could do

While I had been debating for almost a year
I had no fruit of prosperity to bare 

The hours I spent
The minutes I cried

All summed into 3 simple text
They all cat and moused each other

I guess I am in Tom and Jerry
Because the mouse out ran me, the cat

After a moment of freedom from my anxiety
I took the plunge

For a moment my body shakes with fear
My stomach quivers 

*tip, tap, type*
…..*send*

I did it
I sent my confession

I felt the need to say sorry
I’m not

I felt the need to say it over and over
Which I did

I made them promise not to judge
And they did

They probably know I was about to say their name

Now I wait

And 
Wait

And
Wait

*vrrr vrrm*
My phone vibrated

It didn’t need to I was staring at it the whole time
My hand shook

They accepted me

As a friend

Only as a friend, not a lover