Once a Soldier, Always a Soldier

Prologue

I have been here for more time than I can remember and every time I step through those doors the world is different, as if years have passed while I was unaware. I suppose that it would be possible. I have no idea how long they make me sleep.

I have no idea how old I am or even what my name is, they call me soldier or girl and nothing else. They are Hydra, I think; that's what they call themselves. With the rush of the base, there is never time for talk. I am woken from the cold room where I fall asleep after my missions, rushed into a small room where they say the words. The words they have programmed into me to make me comply with their every wish.

But I am not their servant, no, I am their assassin, the one they send to do the things that no one else will. I am their disposal mechanism, but I am not the only one. There are others like me; seven others. All just as strong and just as deadly under the iron fist of Hydra's domination.

I am given missions, impossible missions, but I complete them anyway because I can not control my actions. They are in my head and what they want, becomes what I want. All my other emotions are lost in the sea of their hatred and anger.

I became like them at some stage. I don't know how long it took but eventually, I forgot that other things existed, that colors other that the red of blood and the star tattooed on my arm or the black of my uniform were real. I even forgot what I looked like. Everything I knew from a life before was Hydra - washed away by the current of their control.

It has been a long time since I have made a decision for myself. Even though almost every thought in my head is one of theirs... there is one thing I remember. The day that I had completed my 14th mission, there was a man here, a man that I remembered. He was different. He had a metal arm and his hair was longer, scruffier. Even though he was different I remembered the familiarity, the feeling of knowing although I don't know how I knew. I don't remember why. I just remember the feeling.

I was shaken out of my rare moment of free thoughts by a loud call. "Soldier!" The rough Siberian had become second nature to me. I tried to resist, but it was no use, habit is deadly. "Ready to comply." The words forced themselves up my throat. Even though the compelling words had not yet been said, their hold on my mind was strong.

I was dragged to a chair and chained. I knew what was coming but still, my body resisted it. Fighting against the metal restraints as the mind-numbing words floated around the room. Read from the black book with a red star on the front.

    //    //    //    //    //

I don't remember the commands: only that they were given. I don't remember leaving: only that I had left. I don't remember preparing: only that I was now ready. When I reached the cold, iron doors some of the immediate effects of the controlling words had worn off. A product of overexposure to the mind manipulation, my body had started to create antibodies that could fight it. 

I could retain what I was doing and it frightened me. I could now remember the orders that were spoken and they terrified me. My head was full of the best way to complete a mission that would kill hundreds of people. My sane thoughts had been banished to the far corners of my mind but they were present enough to know that there would be no forgiveness.

I move away from the base, my mind fixed on completing a mission that is not my own. Tonight will go down in history. There will be no erasing what I will do - even if the actions are not mine.

    //    //    //    //    //

My deed was done. I was back at the base. What would the world be like when I next awoke? Would I remember? But now...pain and the unbearable cold... then nothing.