What is this, really?

The Fall

Summer had barely left, yet sweat still trickles down the back of my neck and down my nose as I panted. I'd always hated the muggy heat of the south when it was in full swing, waiting for those cool, crisp fall mornings to make their appearance. Today was finally that day. But this morning, in the middle of September when it was finally beginning to cool off, I had no idea that I was apparently waiting for something else.

I woke up before my alarm went off. I always did, just laying there waiting for it to go off so there would be an official start to my day and an end to my many nights of restless sleep. I hit the icon on my phone right as it started tittering, slowly stretching as I got out from under the sheets. I didn't feel like going for a walk this morning, so I just rummaged through my dresser for a pair of jeans shorts and meandered to my closet for a long sleeve shirt. Long sleeves had become my thing after the accident, even in the summer, I would brace the heat covered up. I could hear the light pattering of padded soles and claws coming down the hallway as I made my way through the other side of my closeted hall to my ensuite bathroom and set my clothes down on my bench there. I went to my bedroom door and opened it so my dog, Billie Mae, could come in. She's great for those long, sullen silent nights. Other than that, she mopes around the house like I do some days, knowing what loss feels like too.

She hops up onto her bench at the foot of my bed and curls up. "I'm not doing much today, you know. Don't get your hopes up for a long walk." She just huffed at me and rested her head on her paws as I started walking back to the bathroom, then barks sharply. I turn and glare at her as she licks her lips and wags her snuffed tail, trying to give me those puppy eyes. I walk over to my nightstand and pick up the remote, smirking at her. "The news or cartoons?" She yips, "Cartoons it is then," I sigh, tossing the remote on the bed and walking to the bathroom to start the shower.

I don't let my eyes linger on my sable toned body as I get undressed, the sight of me is still unbearable to myself even though the scarring isn't as bad as it first was. I got in the shower and just let the warm water run over my head and down my body. I haven't taken a hot shower in ages, not really being able to enjoy the feel of heat against my skin anymore. I slowly start shampooing my hair and then rinse it out to leave my conditioner sitting while I wash myself, my hands never lingering too​ much​ on the scarred parts. I get out, wrapping my hair in a towel and drying myself off, not looking as I covered myself in vitamin infused lotion, hating the way my left arm and leg feel under my other hand. I walk back into my closet and grab a simple pair of panties, looking out the window at the grayness of the sky. "Yeah, Billie, we're not going out much today," not picking out a bra. I hear her groan, so human sometimes that dog, and get dressed.

Making my way down the hall to the kitchen, I hear Billie coming up slowly behind me as I make my way to the cabinet with her food and fill her bowl. She sits and takes a few bites then looks up at me, asking that same question with her eyes every morning, "Yeah, I'm gonna eat today." Her ears droop and she cocks her head to the side, so I roll my eyes and grab my oatmeal down from the cabinet along with some packets of peppermint tea, a bowl and a mug. I grab the kettle and fill it placing it on the stove and turning it on. She barks sharply at me, knowing that I'm stalling and I squinch my eyes at her and grab some sliced strawberries from the fridge. "Damn dog," I huff at her and she huffs back as if to say 'Damn human'.

The kettle starts to go off and I grab the honey and brown sugar down from the cabinet and start to make my tea. I open the jar and spoon some honey into my tea once I take the bag out, stirring and blowing. I take a couple of sips and she barks again and I slam my mug down on the counter, glaring at her. She whines a little and I crouch down to rub her head, "Yeah, yeah I know. You're worried, just stop rushing me. I've got this, alright." She cocks her head again and I scoff at her and grab my Lexapro from another cabinet and shake a pill out of the bottle, popping it into my mouth following it with some tea. I make my oatmeal with honey, brown sugar and the strawberries and lean against the counter eating facing Billie. "See...Food. Mouth. Mmmmm," I laugh as she goes back to eating her dog food.

I've gotten through half of the large bowl I made thinking I overdid it with the oats. That's what I get trying to please a dog. A yellow orange light creeps across my ceiling and I turn around towards the window over the sink thinking that the sun was finally breaking through the clouds. As I look out over the backyard and pond I see a large column of the light breaking through the clouds but the spoon nearly drops outta my mouth as it looks like it's just rocketing down. Suddenly the beam of light just crashes into the pond, water flying at least 30 feet into the air with a loud thrumming sound and my house shakes a little.

I hear a loud clanking, looking around startled and then down into the sink as I realize the spoon finally did fall from my mouth. Billie runs to the backdoor and starts barking vigorously, scratching at the handle. I set my bowl down on the counter and walk over to her, "Billie, get off the damn door. I don't have nice things for you to go destroying them." I grab her by the collar and start dragging her out of the kitchen, glancing out the window again and I stop dead in my tracks. My eyes widen, I feel my heart clench, and it's like the wind has been knocked out of me as I try shakily inhaling. The pond is starting to freeze over from the same area the beam of light crashed into it.