Lost Stars

Not Anymore

"How could I be so stupid?" I knew he had a girlfriend, but being in his presence just...I totally forgot about it.

"It's technically not your fault."

"Really?" I stop pacing and face her. "Rebekah, I know you're trying to be a good friend and all, but...this is my fault, actually. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have cheated on her with me."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, he probably would've cheated anyway."

"No, that doesn't help." I sit at my desk with my head in my hands. "I just feel so guilty."

"That's a good thing, Katherine." She stands up and comes over and rubs my back to comfort me. "It means you're a good person."

"But I knew he had a girlfriend!"

"Technically, you didn't."

"Rebekah, I obviously know who's dating my favorite celebrities." I say, frustrated. "He's dating freaking Jane Herman!"

"But it's not like you were thinking about that. You said so yourself, you forgot about that once you met him." She shrugs. "Besides, Jane Herman's got nothing on you."

"That doesn't make me any more innocent." I shake my head.

"It actually does. It's not like you're some slutty side chick, who is trying to get with guys who are not available." She states matter-of-factly. "You just so happen to be one of his biggest fans who is pretty much in love with him and accepted an opportunity. I mean, you didn't even sleep with him."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"No problem." She says. "Besides, you and I both know I'd jump his bones the second the opportunity presented itself, girlfriend or not."

My phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Katherine."

"Adam?"

"Yep. It's me."

"What do you want?" It comes out a bit more snarky than I mean it to.

"Woah. What's up with you?"

"Sorry, I've just--never mind." I sigh.

"Okay..."

Rebekah holds up the laptop with an article pulled up and points to a phrase. I read it and am confused.

"Actually, can we talk about it?"

"I guess that depends on what it is...but I do want to see you again. Meet me in Orange Park?"

"I'll be there."

"Noon?"

"Sure."

*****

"What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Adam, I-" I'm too anxious, so I just cut to the chase. "Your girlfriend."

"Oh. What-"

"Adam, you-you cheated on Jane with me, didn't you?"

"What? No. I-"

"Oh, my gosh." I facepalm. "How could I be so stupid?"

"Hey, you're not stupid. Second, I don't have a girlfriend."

"What?"

"I broke up with Jane. We're not together anymore."

"Since when?" I ask in disbelief.

"Thursday..."

"So, you did cheat."

"Kath-"

"Adam, I'm not going to be some side chick." I get up to walk away, but he grabs my arm with his strong hand and pulls me back down beside him. "Adam, let go."

"Katherine, please just hear me out. Okay? Five minutes."

"Fine." I sigh in defeat. "Five minutes."

"You're not 'some side chick'."

"But you kissed me. Passionately. While you were with her."

"You kissed me back." He smirks.

"Oh, no. I've done enough self-loathing over this."

"Anyway, as far as Jane and I..." he shrugs. "We're not together anymore. Nope. Nada. Through."

"Why? What ha-"

"I broke things off with her before things could get worse. Again." He shakes his head. "You'd think I would've learned the first time around, but nooo."

"Define 'worse'."

"You're here to listen to me, right?" I nod. "Not to hold a press conference about my personal life."

Ouch. Am I not part of his "personal life?"

"Right. Sorry. I just--" I look down at my fidgety hands. "So, you and Jane-"

"We're done. For good this time."

"That's...good..." My face burns with embarrassment as I realize what I'd just said. "I mean--I didn't-"

He just chuckles, placing his hand on mine and sending that electric charge through my body.

"No worries, babe."

Babe? No. I'm not his--I'm still...I'm still mad. Upset? Yeah, that's it. I'm still upset with him. Aren't I?

*****

Adam and Jane are not dating. It's only a matter of time before the press finds out and goes crazy again over his availability.

I still don't get what about me he finds "intriguing." All of his past girlfriends, or at least 95% have been models or the like. I am no model. He doesn't really know anything about me, which I guess could be what's so intriguing, but I don't know.

Before, I would've been just flattered and excited, and I am, but the fact that he cheated with me and I allowed it...I don't really know how to feel about this whole situation. I want to make it work, it's just that if anything goes wrong, I'm just a "normal person." I don't have celebrity status for a cushion. My reputation would just be ruined.

I'd rather not earn a Songs About Katherine album.