Book Critiques! [Closed For Catchup]

I Finally Got To You

By: 3darkknights

Cover:

Your cover is pleasing to look at but it is a bit too simple. It gives a kind of sad vibe to it but I don't see how a girl walking towards the ocean relates to the story.

Blurb:

Quite short, not enough to convince me to click on the book. If you want me to dedicate my time into reading your book, you should dedicate some of yours to make a good blurb.

Your blurb simply says a bit about what I suppose are the main characters in your book.

"One made of love but hoplesness.
THE other made of hatred amd betrayal"

Instead of "Other made of..."

Please work on your blurb. You want me to click on your story not scroll past it.

First Chapter:

First off, lovely quote I must say, and I just love how it's totally true and actually relates to the chapter.

This chapter was a bit short, but no worries.  It's not a bad thing if you pull it off properly. I think you should have portrayed how she looked, acted amd sounded when he held that gun to her head because you're leaving it to our imagination, which is not enough.  Try to make us see what you're seeing in your head.

The last sentence of the chapter didn't quite make sense.

"And the life I had only known had turned into... darkness and ignorance."

Suggested:
"And the life I once knew had turned into..."

You made the last three words bold and I suggest you get rid of that, especially since your Author's note is also in bold.

Also, are you sure 'ignorance' is the right word for that sentence? How can someone's previous life turn into ignorance? Please look for another word to use. Use a thesaurus if possible because I doubt ignorance is the best word to use.

Overall take on the Chapter: Hooked.  Yes, that's right, I was hooked. I wanted to see what happened to her how she ended up. Did she really end up in the streets? Did she become rich like "in your face Craig I'm Marc Jacobs rich and you're struggling celebrity!"?

Characters:

Aliza:
She's my favorite. I can tell she's friendly, nice, caring outgoing and sensitive. I love how you used dialogues to portray her character. Good job on that.

Ovadiah(OJ):

I'm not quite sure if I like him yet. I can tell he's an extremely protective brother, a huge softie on the inside and a bit sensitive about his paralysed state as much as he says he's fine with it. He's caring and bold; he's not shy and has a sense of humour.
I ignored your description about him because you're supposed to show us not tell us.
My analysis of him is based solely on his thoughts, actions and speech.

Anita:

She's the self pitying(still obnoxious diva). She's smart and doesn't easily let people ride over her. She's still hung up on her past which is probably why she hasn't moved forward.

Overall Take:

Your characters seem interesting and I know with time, your readers would fall in love with them.

Plot:

Your plot is definitely unique. Fallen superstar and the paralysed boy? Wattpad could use more of this. In other words, I love your plot. Your writing style is unique but you need to learn to master some aspects before taking them on. I'd give an example shortly.