Dangerous Diaries

Chapter 4 - Poem To A Horse

Mentioning the man I was dating at the time is pointless.  He broke up with me after the documentary came out and quit the band.  He was a pathetically weak man which wasn't what I was into anyway.  Regardless, I was still only truly in love with one man.  I was in love with a man who was now married, was clearly not affected by our relationship like I was, and who I hadn't seen in over two years. 

That night, he didn't call me back.  I wasn't even expecting him to.  I knew how he was. 

I think talking to him and hearing him tell me he wanted to give me closure actually did it for me.  I didn't even need him to explain anymore.  I just wanted it to all be done and over with.  Would I ever make another song about him?  Yes.  Would I ever miss him again?  Of course.  But I was fine with that. 

February 2, 1992, My 29th Birthday

I felt like a brand new woman on my birthday.  With accepting the fact that Michael and I would never be together again, I was able to breathe and walk with no misery.  I felt liberated as I walked into the restaurant for my birthday dinner.  All of my friends and family were there to share the special day with me.

I took a seat between my sister Lexi and Kerry.  My mother was on my best friend's side.  Darryl was there, Greg even, Dorian, Kevin, Jennifer, Ricky Lawson, Randy and LaVelle...the only people missing was Frank and Michael.  I didn't let the small reunion reverse my feelings about him though. 

We shared a lot of laughs to all of our touring memories.  I was having a good time not even thinking twice about Michael until my adorable mother decided to bring him up. 

"So did everyone see Michael's new video today?"

No one answered.  It was just silent.  I don't know what she was thinking. 

"It was fascinating.  It premiered today.  On your birthday, Shaki."

I think she was looking at me but I kept my head down.

"It was like ten minutes long."

"Ma?"  Darryl looked at her and shook his head.

"Oh, Shakira's over that.  And she likes his new song.  That's the only reason I mentioned it."

"Oh, do you?" Kerry mentioned with her eyes fixated on me.

"It's alright," I said shrugging.  I stuck a forkful in my mouth so I wouldn't have to say another word. 

"So, Shaki's album is coming out very soon," Kerry began mentioning.  "No is sitting on top of the charts right now.  Next will be the tour..."  She looked up at Darryl.  He was on my first tour with me.  "You excited?"

But he gave off an uneasy look.  He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.  "What?" he asked smiling, tugging on his ear.

"You're not touring with Shaki this year?"

"Umm, I can't.  I didn't know it was in the works.  The album didn't even drop yet."

"It's in post-production."  I looked at him with curiosity filling my eyes.  "Why aren't you coming?  Jennifer and Dorian are coming too," I said smiling at them.

But they had the same uneasy look drawn on their faces.

"Oh, umm, I can't either," Jennifer said, not able to look me in the eyes.

Dorian raised his left hand.  "Sorry."

"What the hell?"

Greg started laughing.