Desperate Measures

Chapter 10 - Interview 2

The Quibbler, October Edition, Tuesday, October 22, 1996

Harry Potter Eliminates Majority of Suitors!

Read the exclusive interview with our very own Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood!

Our second interview with Mr. Harry Potter covers the results of his first two tests of worthiness of his suitors as well as some surprising information. The Quibbler also presented to Mr. Potter some of the questions you, our faithful readers, proffered up to be asked. While Mr. Potter was most accommodating to our curiosity, please understand that we kept the intensely personal questions to a minimum. Below you will find our conversation that took place in Hogwarts' Great Hall on the morning of October 21st.

LG:"Good morning, Harry!"

HP:"Good morning!"

LG:"Well, shall we jump right to it?"

HP:"Absolutely."

LG:"Friday you provided the total number of suitors and, just in case anybody has missed it, the official count is 4,192."

HP:"That's right."

LG:"Goodness me. I can't imagine."

HP:"Neither can I, really, and I'm living it!"

LG:(chuckle) "And I thought I had a bad time in school trying to date!"

HP:"Yes, well."

LG:"All right, then. You've had a busy weekend, I understand. Was it productive?"

HP:"Yes, I did and yes, it was."

LG:"Good, good. I'm glad to hear it. Have you recovered? It must have been quite draining."

HP:"It was, but I'm fine today. I got a good night's sleep last night."

LG:"Did all those people actually show up?"

HP:"They might have. Only 3,869 made it on time, though."

LG:"And the, ah, let me do a quick sum here..."

HP:"The 123 that were late?"

LG:"Yes, exactly. No! That doesn't seem right, not if you started with 4,192."

HP:"There were exactly 200 women that I had declined previously that didn't come. Surprisingly, or maybe not, 21 of them did show up. Anyway, by my calculations, that leaves an additional 123 that either didn't show or were late."

LG:"I see. All right. The 123 that were late, then. What happened with them? I heard a magical barrier was raised on the entrance?"

HP:"There was. They were eliminated."

LG:"Eliminated? For being late?"

HP:"Yes. They've known for ages when and where the meeting was going to be held and you've been publishing the count every week. Given the number of attendees, they should have known to allow plenty of time to arrive. Not doing so shows, at the very least, a lack of forethought and/or planning. At worst, it shows disrespect for myself and the situation. I don't need a mate like that."

LG:"I guess I can understand that. So, that was your first test?'

HP:"That's right."

LG:"And your second test?"

HP:"Only 1,029 passed my second test of worthiness."

LG:"Oh, my! That's a lot of suitors eliminated!"

HP:"Yes."

LG:"Well, well... So, Harry, how did you eliminate so many when you didn't even talk to anyone?"