No Thank You

Emails Don't Have to be so Formal

"Dear Aya,

Hey, sweetheart, it's Ms. May. I know how hard you have it right now, but you have to understand that I'm in a tight spot too. I hate to be the bad guy, but you're 4 months overdue on your rent. I can't hold off your payment forever! Please understand hun, my son's hospital bills just keep coming and he needs the treatment. Please pay up soon, or I'll have to be a real landlord . . . " my voiced trailed off, and I heaved a sigh. I marked the email as 'trash.' I propped my face on my hands and massaged my forehead before I could get a migraine.

Ms. May is probably the nicest landlord I have ever met. She is a nice lady in general. She lets me be real, as in really late, on my bills. She brings me food sometimes if she gets worried about me. I hated disappointing her or making her sad, especially when her son gets involved. I groaned and sighed, mixing together to sound as if I was a beached whale.

$175 per month. That's it. That's all I need for an old, single-person apartment that barely has a connection to water, electricity, or the internet. There are cracks and bugs get in easily, and the walls are so thin I can hear everything that goes on in my neighbors' apartments. There are drafts and leaks all the time and the paint on the walls are peeling off in huge chunks. Despite this price, am I so pathetic that I still can't pay my bills on time?

Yes . . . I really am.

I currently work two jobs, one at night and one during the day. Both are minimum wage, meant for high schoolers looking to get into the flow of what having a job feels. I'm definitely passed that age, having been kicked out of high school when I was 17. Was I an unintelligent student who got into fights, did drugs, and dissed faculty and staff? Definitely not - my honor roll streak and straight A's beg to differ. I didn't get into any trouble either, and I worked well with most of the other students. Most of them.

I can't get a better job because of the reason I was expelled from high school. If I don't get a better job soon, or at least get a pay raise, I won't be able to live in my apartment anymore; and I most likely won't find any other place that will offer such a great price.

I was kicked out since . . . well, I don't want to upset myself even more right now. Yeah, that's right. Let's look at the positives right now and thoroughly analyze the situation. I could get another job . . . but I'm already having a tough time going between these two jobs. . . not a good idea. Then, should I could ask for an advance in pay? A raise? Maybe both at the same time? Haha, even I have to laugh at that! Unlikely.

I took in a deep breath and peered at my empty inbox on the computer screen. (I got the computer by saving up for a while about a year ago. Ms. May helped pay for some of it too.) I clicked on the 'compose' button and directed it toward my boss at my day job.

"Dear Mr. Tadatsune:

I have been a faithful worker to you since you opened Eien no Kioku two years ago, and have never regretted nor been embarrassed to be a part of your coffee shop. I always look forward to working in the comforting establishment and am always prepared for any mishap or accident that may occur. This you must already know since this is not my first time confessing such feelings to you. However, I feel the need to tell you again since I need your help once more. I am in dire need of money, so I must ask if I can get an advance on my next paycheck? I promise to do my best work and go overtime to make up for it. I know that you've done this for me before, but please, every time I genuinely need the money.

Thank You Always,

Aya Park"

I'm not confident in my letter, but as I am right now, I don't think I could have written it any better. I clicked the 'send' button and watched the 'message sent' icon appear. Now I wait.  The tick of the nearby clock marked the seconds that passed. I got bored quickly, but  I was determined to remain vigilant. My leg started to jump impatiently,  and my finger tapped the desk. Still nothing. What could he be doing?

My stomach growled. I looked over at the clock; the time read 7:49 PM. I got up from my desk, my simple wooden chair squeaking at the movement. I walked a few steps over to the window and opened the drapes that I always kept closed. The sun had set without me knowing, and the night had already settled.

This window is another important reason why I like it here, other than Ms. May and its price. It opened and led to a concrete balcony. I was barefoot, but I still stepped onto the dirty, freezing concrete. A breeze swept through, blowing my hair up and everywhere. It was refreshing, like a cold towel. I took a deep breath, drawing in as much of the crisp air into my body as much as I could.

My apartment complex lay on the outskirts of the city. Beyond this, there is nothing but wild country. I live in a more . . . sketchy neighborhood, so a break from sirens and questionable peddlers was always welcomed. My apartment faces in the opposite direction of all the hustle and bustle of the city, and I could only see the tops of trees and the distant glow of the crescent moon.

Most especially, the stars. The city lights aren't strong on this side of town, so they don't outshine the uncountable stars up above. I can see the billions of stars twinkling in the night sky. An unlimited and free universe lays up there, just beyond my reach. . .

*ding*

I looked back at my computer screen. Did I get an email from him already? What was he doing, just staring at his screen and waiting for a random email to appear?! He should be outside, living his life or something!! The sender: 'Harukawa Tadatsune.' I gulped audibly and I started to feel my palms get sweaty. I hesitated for a moment but forced my feet to walk to the desk and sit down. I scrolled over to the email and opened it.

"Aya,

A business letter? Really? You don't have to be so formal. You only get like this when you have a lot on your mind. You used such big words too; so scary and professional (ಥ﹏ಥ)!! LOl!! Let's talk tomorrow about everything. For now, just get some sleep, okay? (~˘▾˘)~

See ya tomorrow ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ,
Haru"

I cracked a smile and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I guess I was a bit too serious; you could call me and Haru . . . friends. It did sound strange to talk to him so formally; after all, he's only a couple years older. It's not like he's some serious guy either. I giggled, and the whole room started to warm.

I closed all my tabs and shut down my computer. I hadn't turned on any lights so the room was enveloped in a gentle darkness. I sat in silence for a few minutes. My eyes had adjusted quickly from the loss of the computer's light. I just relished the calm and quiet of it all, but eventually, I made my way toward my bed at the other end of the room. I flopped down and cocooned myself in the soft blanket.

It's silly, but I think of this little cocoon as my safest haven. Sure, it's just a blanket, but it makes me feel so. . . Secure. It's like nothing can hurt me. No one can touch me. I am completely alone, just how I like it. My eyes slowly shut, and I drifted far, far away. . .

You bitch!!

You did it on purpose, didn't you?!

I can't believe she would do something like this. . .

You are not the person I thought you were. . .

I can't believe that I share the same blood as you!! I can't stand you!

I should never have believed in you.

The sound of birds woke me up the next morning.

I had that dream again. . . What a bother. I wish I could do something about it, but you can't change what has already happened. It just works that way. Life doesn't give you second chances.

All you can do is to hope to never make the same mistakes again.

All you can do is look forward.

"I'm looking forward to Haru . . ." the words escaped my lips before I could catch them, and I became a bright red. Everything became hot again.