Saturdays

Chapter Three

Third Saturday

I sit in a chair with my head in my hands. My eyes are watering but I manage to hold the tears in. I slowly lift my head up and blink a few times to clear my vision.

Turning towards the seat next to me, I am surprised to find it empty. I quickly scan the room before finding my mom by the receptionist's desk. She seems to be arguing with her, but I can't make out what she is saying. My mom sighs in defeat and slowly walks back towards me.

"Oh, hi sweety. I didn't know you woke up." She says with a tired and raspy voice.

"I've only been up for about a minute. It's okay, Mom. Don't worry about me right now. Where's Noah?"

"I think he went to the cafeteria to get something to eat," She sighs, "If you're hungry, I can give you money to get something too."

"I have money, Mom. Don't worry. I guess I'll go see what they have."

"Okay, try to calm Noah down. He seemed irritated when he left. I mean I don't blame him, I'm feeling the same way but-"

"Mom, calm down. Don't worry, I'll try to cheer him up. You need to rest."

She nods her head while closing her eyes and leaning against the back of the chair.

Without a second passing, I am up from my seat and heading towards the cafeteria.

I somewhat knew where it was but it's hard to navigate through this building since everything here looks the same: white walls, white doors, little clipboards hanging besides the doors, windows everywhere, the same tile floor and flickering lights hanging from the ceiling.

After a good five minutes of looking, I finally find a room with glass walls and a sign that reads "cafeteria". I quickly scan the room and find Noah sitting at table against the wall on the right hand side. Comforting him before getting food was probably the best idea.

As I pulled the glass doors open, they made a loud screeching noise, which caused everyone to look up at me. Blood rose to my cheeks before I continued to walk over to Noah. He quickly glanced up but showed no particular emotion.

"Hey Noah," I greet with a sad smile,"Can I sit here?"

Without looking up at me, he replied, "Yeah, I guess."

I sigh knowing that he probably won't put much effort into this conversation. I'll stick with small talk before I get to the deep stuff.

"So... What'd you buy?"

"A chicken sandwich."

"It looks good. What do you think I should get?"

"I don't know."

"Um, wanna come with me to look at the menu? I could really use the help. You know how indecisive I am." I laugh but immediately stop when he gives me a blank stare.

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks Noah" I say with a grateful tone.

He mumbles a 'you're welcome' as we approach the counter.

"Hmm, the pizza looks good, don't you think?"

He shrugs.

"Uh, or maybe the chicken salad? Should I go with that?"

"I guess."

After ordering, we sit back down at the two person table and quietly eat our food. Noah continuously spaces out between bites. I can't help but wonder what's going on in his head. No one should have to go through what he's dealing with. All I wish is that I could some how cheer him up and distract him from our reality. Sometimes, that's all a person needs. Before this could happen though, we have to discuss our reality.

"Noah?"

"Yeah."

"Can we talk about it? It'll be quick I just think we should let everything out."

Noah sighs. He doesn't look up from his food but I still see his eyes fill up with tears. "Do we have to?" He says with a broken voice.

"I think it's for the best."

He simply nods.

"I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry that I can't make this better. I'm sorry that I left. I'm sorry that I've been a terrible sister. I'm sorry-" My voice became muffled by the palm of my hands.

"Grace, Stop. Calm down. It's okay, it's okay."

After a minute of silence, Noah says, "Grace, listen. Please don't blame yourself. I don't think anyone could have prevented Dad from getting sick. You leaving has nothing to do with it. Mom and I have nothing to do with it. Don't blame yourself. I've been nothing but a pain to be around and I'm sorry for that-"

"Noah, you haven't-"

"Don't pretend just to make me feel better. Just let me apologize." He says with the smallest smile.

I nod with agreement.

"I'm sorry for being so difficult and rude and selfish. I've just been thinking about how this affects me, not how it affects anyone else. My grief either turns into anger or guilt. I need to control it. Soon, I'll apologize to mom. Again, I'm sorry, Grace."

"It's okay, it's understandable to be acting this way. I think we just need to be more positive and hope for the best."

We make eye contact then both break into low chuckles.

"Inappropriate laugher." I say in between laughs.

"It runs in the family."