Tumblr High

Part 1

Become this fucker.

Your name is Homestuck, and as of right now you are preparing yourself for your first day at a new high school called tumblr high. Until recently, you've been home-schooled, or as you've put it multiple times, 'homeSTUCK'. Cue rim shot. Anyways, you have black hair and sharp, pointed horns.  Your horns go from a gradient of pumpkin red to a marigold yellow. Despite the horns, along with your yellow sclerae and green pupils, you have pale human skin, of which you have decided to coat in grey body paint two hours prior.

The paint has dried by this time, allowing you to move around freely without worry. Your room is relatively messy, a few instruments and photos strung throughout the room, along with multiple cosplay items. The photos depict numerous characters in your father's webcomic, of which you are the personification of the fanbase. Yes, you are aware of this, and you are perfectly fine with it.  You pack numerous items, taking your father's advice and not bringing all of your weapons to school on the first day.

Instead, you retrieve a red and white cane off the ground. The hilt is shaped to resemble that of a dragon, and midway down the cane you are able to break it apart into two sharp, long daggers. Just as you pick it up and shut your backpack, your phone buzzes, notifying you that you have a message. Opening your phone to the main screen, you can see that it's from your moirail.

unitedNations [UN] began pestering universalAmphibian [UA]

UN: Hey Stuck!

UN: Almost ready for school?

UA: YuP.

UA: 1'm g01ng 1n 34rly 7)-(0ug)-(, 1 )-(4v3 70 f1lL 0u7 a bUnc)-( 0f p4p3Er w0rK.

UN: Cool, meet you there?

UA: 2Ur3

unitedNations [UN] ceased pestering universalAmphibian [UA]

You nod to yourself as you tuck your phone in the pocket of your dark jeans, heaving your backpack over one shoulder. Opening your door and leaving your room, you walk down the hallway. You make your way over to the stairs and pause. When you were young, your father had written it into the comic as a joke. 'I warned you about stairs bro!!! I warned you dog!' became a popular and relatively funny joke for you, it was so stupid.

However, it came as a slight surprise when a week after that update you had the inability to walk down the stairs. Every single time you'd trip over some nonexistent force and fall down the stairs. Somehow, you often ended up with nothing but minor bruises, maybe a scrape or two. Yeah, you still kinda hate your father for writing that in, groaning whenever the line is repeated. Of course eventually your father also wrote in rocket shoes, which you suppose you can count as an apology.

Speaking of which, the second he introduced the rocket shoes you'd designed a pair yourself, as you did with numerous items for the reason of cosplay. You click your heels and hover slightly, jumping from the walkway and land unharmed, hovering about seven inches off the ground. You click your heels again and immediately drop. You look around the ground floor of your house.

There's white furniture around you, along with a large television set mounted on the wall above a fireplace. There's also a pile of multicolored dragon looking plushies, or scalemates, in front of the couch. Out of the corner of your eye you think you see something, something orange and large. You try to focus in on it until you recognize it as a pumpkin. Turning quickly, you see that the pumpkin is gone, and you know that it probably will be for quite sometime.

You roll your eyes, sighing. You make your way over to the kitchen. Inside there is a fridge, adorned with chains and alphabet magnets. Removing the green W magnet, you press it just above your lips, raising your eyebrows quickly. You laugh slightly, placing it back on the fridge in it's proper place between V and X. There is also a note on the fridge, and upon noticing it you pluck it off and inspect it.

The letter is from your father, hastily written as if it was an after thought. At first you think it is going to be a loving fatherly endorsement of you going to school, but the messy hand writing practically shoves it in your face that it's not. All that's written on it is that your lunch is in the cupboard and that he might just kill off another character again. You huff slightly. At least he warned you. You crumple the note, tossing it away.

You open one of the cupboards and find your lunch. It's packed in a brown paper bag. You open the bag, inspecting your lunch. Inside you see an odd assortment of items that you somehow manage to classify as a lunch. There's a chalk stick, more specifically a red one, along with a red faygo. There's also a slice of vanilla cake, probably Betty Crocker brand, along with a small bag of gushers. While the cake simply makes you cringe, the gushers cause you to pause.

Once again in the earlier days of your father's webcomic, he'd written it so the main character had a strong love of the chewy snacks. Consequently, so did you. Gushers were amazing, you simply could not get enough of them, and that craving never really died. Except, your father had later pointed out that gushers, one of your all time favorite snacks, were produced by the malicious Betty Crocker. 

You'd had to restrain yourself from eating more for a solid  twenty five seconds, until you were utterly horrified. You vowed never to have any of the multicolored snacks again, no matter how good they were. Yet, of course your father would include them in nearly every lunch you ever ate. You never ate them, yet the mere sight caused you to remember the good old days, when you could eat these without the striking pain of self betrayal.

Yup, and he's yet to apologize for that one. Shaking your head, diminishing the reminder you'd just received of your father's cruelty, you continue to another cupboard. You open it and pull out a small ziploc bag, which you take to the fridge's ice dispenser. Holding the mouth of the bag open, you push the ice button as a stream of cherries flow into the bag. Yet again, another relatively early joke strung through your father's webcomic.

You close the ziploc bag and take it with you, retrieving your lunch and cane. As you exit the house, you look up at the sky. It's oddly bright out, given that it is just passed early morning. There's a few clouds, and despite the sunny weather it's moderately cool. The clouds part as you stare, your eyes meeting the sun. You stare for a minute or two longer, until you remember a certain blind character and shake your head, snapping yourself out of your momentary trance.

It was time you get to school.

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AN: okay, so this is gonna have slow updates, probably. Also, someone please inform me of other shows. I already made sure Homestuck's eyes were yellow for further chapters, and I've already hinted at multiple references in this one chapter. Aka, Terezi's cane and chalk eating habit as well as her being blind, both the panel where Vriska controls her mind and the panel where john stares at the sky, the panel with the cherries in the fridge, the w magnet, and the fatherly notes, betty crocker, scalemates, 'what pumpkin?' along with the stairs.

Please suggest chumhandle names to me for Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock, etc.