The Chronicles of Nathaniel Jacobson

update # I

Chapter Three: Part One

By the God's.......I have done this many times; so why is it affecting me so much this time?...did i do something this time that im not aware of?.....It was one simple human, meaningless, the lesser by far of the races...so why do I feel this way?...Why is it so hard to convince myself that this neccessary? He couldnt have been spared. There was no way around that. It wasnt my fault, it was supposed to happen this way, it couldnt have been avoided I thought to myself......Thinking all of this as I opened the door to my hideout, shrugging out of my coat, un-doing the clasp of my pistols from my shoulders, taking my sword and propping it aside my chair.....Walking to the fridge, i got a water. Then sat in my chair. As i brought the bottle to my lips, i hesitated as a image engulfed my mind.......the terrified look on his face, the horrible, stomach churning look i have seen so many times it is engraved into my memory....the look of knowing, of dread that his life was about to end, his life flashing before his eyes.......and i ended it..thinking all of this in the span of a few seconds...i set the bottle down. stood up from the chair...i walked towards the bathroom. I turned on the faucet in the shower, shrugged out of my clothes...tracing the scars on my arms and chest. I stepped into the shower and the hot water engulfed me like the all too familar petrifying memories....

I woke up to the sound of water falling, realizing that i had fallen asleep, slumped againsnt the floor of the shower. Standing up; The cold water giving goosebumps.....wait cold water?...how long was i asleep?...No matter. I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower. I walked to my room and started to get dressed, glimpsing at the clock, it read 4:18 a.m....good a time as any i suppose. I started into the kitchen and began to make a sandwhich for myself....looking to the window, i walked over and raised the metal garter that was behind the glass, i looked outside into the dark and saw rain falling...good, perfect weather......i loved the rain. I ate my sandwhich as i walked back to my room, i finished eating as i tied my boots, i raised my pants leg and strapped my survival knife to my leg. i walked out of my room, grabbing for my coat.....i hesitated......it had my crest on it, a inuendo of all the lives ive taken...i turned and grabbed a pullover instead. as i walked out the front door, it was if my coat beckoned me, or more importantly, the blood stained crest...I pulled the hood over my head as i concentrated on the sound of the rainfall and began to walk in the direction of town..

Walking down the sidewalk, rain falling and cars swerving past, normal people werent  insane enough to walk outside in four in the morning and in the pouring rain....but i wasnt normal was i?...very few seldom shops were open at this Un-godly hour (that word makes me laugh) besides the Quickie-Mart  and I-Hop, i hate that fucking place....I used to go there, once upon a time, a happier time, when death was just a bad dream, i was happier then.....but that was the dream now, happiness is vague and over rated. And i was just kidding myself when i'd say that she would stick by you even if you told her your past, but when i did she didnt believe me, and when the evidence came, she shot herself, believing to have gone insane, she ended her life....i was left with pictures, blood-stained walls and empty memories. your probably thinking 'this guy is emotionally unstable' but by who's standards?....and would it really matter if i was? me telling you all of this is evidence enough of my unstability. Whether you believe it is your choice and your problem......the sun was beginning to raise, and mankind was beginning another day going about their repetitive, useless lives. The rain stopped, lights turned on, doors opened. People leaving for jobs, kissing their spouses goodbye, heading to the office, still comepletely clueless as to what is happening around them......while looking around i saw a school bus, come to a stop and pick up children, they are just like their parents, heading to "work" all day, living their mediocre lives, unawares. the side of the bus read "East Harcen County Schools"......it drove away, leaving me thinking to myself....i looked at my wrist, the watch read 6:45 a.m, i had been standing in this exact spot for an hour and fifteen minutes, better get a move on.....