Ashwaki: waiting for Ashok

Intimacy of emotions

"Ashok bhaiya's here! Ashok Bhaiya's here!" Dhrupad ran around, announcing the happy news.

"Kaurvaki di, what are you doing? Come out to greet Ashok bhaiya!" He knocked on my door, but his voice was rather muffled.

"Now now Dhrupad, calm down. You're shouting as if Ashok's here." I shook my head.

"HE IS HERE!"

"WHAT?!" I left the chores in my hand and opened the door, rushing to the balcony. To my surprise, I saw a large crowd columned along the sides of the path, allowing a horse carriage to go through. A small figure stood waving to all the subjects and I immediately knew who it was.

"Rani Dharma! Rani Dharma! Ashok's here! Hurry up!" I said in desperation.

"What?!" She cried and immediately opened the door.

"Quick, we need to get the arrangements done and -" I trailed off emotionally.

"This is the first time he's coming back after Ahankara's death." Rani Dharma finished off for me.

I nodded. *sad music plays*

"Err - anyways, forget all that. Come on down."

There was laughing and chuckling around the household as all the servants gossiped about his unexpected arrival.

I hurried down the stairs and stopped at the bottom, just before the doorway.

"What's the matter?" Rani Dharma asked at my sudden halt.

"You... carry on. I'll just be - in my room." I said.

"But, surely you need to welcome him?"

"No! I mean - you do it. I'll just be....getting the room ready." I said uncomfortably.

I raced back upstairs and opened up the curtains quickly, allowing a vast amount of light to flood in through the glass windows.

Most importantly, I check my hair and straightened up my clothes. Goodness - I don't want him to come back and think I look like a baboon do I? After all these years I still worry about judgements; maybe I should I have learnt to give those melancholy thoughts up....

💓

The whole family stood gathered on the raised platform where Ashok made his way through the crowd and to the platform to seek his blessings from the elders. I watched with excitement from my balcony.

As I sensed his head moving upwards, I quickly went back inside and leant against the wall, sighing deeply. I hope he didn't see him watching him like a stalker.

"Welcome back, son." Rani Dharma stroked his cheek, teary-eyed. I gulped with sadness, yet joy of this yearning reunion.

As a tear slipped down her cheek, Ashok brushed it off for her gently.

"I remember last time when father was here. The joy would have been doubled. Nevertheless, I have my beautiful brother and sons now don't I?" He replaced his shaky voice with a courageous smile and bent down on one knee to allow his children to hug him.

Before I started to cry, I looked away.

"Er - Kaurvaki's ... not here?" He asked after a while.

Upon hearing his muffled voice, I sensed that he said my name.

"No, can't be." I whispered to myself.