Thoughts of a French Fry

6

April 2, 2017

19 years, 240 days old.

This is the type of day where I hate everything and everybody. This is a very dangerous day yet a common day.

Do you ever not know exactly how you're feeling? Like you can't describe your emotions. You just feel very confused, overwhelmed, angry, upset, sad, small, and perhaps unloved? Or a complete other set of emotions?

I guess in a way I described how I feel, but it still feels insufficient! These are the type of days where I really don't know what's worth living for.

I don't know what exactly makes me feel this way. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it's triggered by the most random things ever.

I want to take off this mask I am wearing, but I don't want to let others know what is underneath. I want to scream, but really there's no logical, sensible reason to scream.

I wish I could stop feeling this way. I wish I never felt this way again. I wish others would never feel this way too.

If you are feeling this way or have felt this way, which I would assume many people have, MAN YOU ARE STRONG. Just getting up and continuing to go through life. You are so strong. I am so proud.

Sometimes when I wake up, I think to myself just one more day. And I always thought that it was bad to think this way. To not feel the motivation or reason to simply live, I always was told by people that there's something wrong with me. Either I'm just stupid, ungrateful, or wanting attention. NO, this is not a wrong way to think. If you feel this way, it is okay. It's ok to take one step at a time, one day at a time. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for emotions that you cannot control. Just don't ever give up. That's the key. The moment you let that demon win, it's done. There is no rematch. So sometimes even when you don't have the energy or reason to continue, you still can give it all your best. Give it all your best even when you think there is nothing to give and nothing to gain.

A battle within yourself is probably the hardest battle you'll ever face.

Thank you if you read this. Whatever you're going through, you are strong.