Half a heart

chapter 3

Dear Harry.

I now it is kind of...girly?  To writhe in a dairy,  but I got no one to tell! I feel like I’m all alone here in this world. You were the one I could tell everything to.

Yeah, sure I have the boys, but they aren't the same without you here.

Neither am I.

It has been 1 year, 4 days and 11 hour's sience your funeral.

Yeah...I AM counting.

It is really hard to look back to all the memories we had, everything that we shared, and just everything we did. It feels like yesterday we were going to my the lake house. Yes we were going to their lake house. Now you know.

But I really can't anymore! How am I supposed to live when my heart is with you?

What did god think when he made it your last day?

He knew I'd be heartbroken!

He knew I wouldn't be the same without you!

And I'm not!

I used to be happy and weird.

I used to be the boy who had his best friend as his boyfriend.

I used to be the boy who had his boyfriend alive.

Well, i guess I'm not that person anymore.

Every night when I am going to bed, I am praying that this only was a bad dream, and I will wake up with your warm arms around me and hear you whispering that it was only a bad dream and that you loved me.

But my prayers never get any answers.

I always wake up alone, with wet cheeks and a lump in my throat.

Is it supposed to be this way!?

Am I supposed to always be this sad?

This can’t be right.

It feels like you watching over me sometimes, and that you’ll keep me safe from everything. Like nothing can hurt me.

But nothing will ever be able to hurt me so much as i am hurting right now.

I heard your voice yesterday, you said you loved me and you always will be there for me. But then you were gone again.

Nothing will ever be like it was before, and now when your gone it is so many more things i need to know, so many more things I should have said and done.

I would to do anything to get you back. Anything. I have nothing more to lose.

When you left me you took my heart with you. Everything i feel now is coldness.

Heavy coldness.

------------------------------

sorry it is short! I'll trye to do longer! :/ :) Thanks for reading!<3